Talking about sex and what we want from sex can be tricky.
Talking about menstruation can be even trickier.
So, what happens when the two overlap?
Despite all the progress we’ve made in conversations around gender, bodies, and pleasure, menstruation is still taboo in many intimate relationships. It’s often treated as something to be hidden, endured, or even ignored altogether. Periods may “happen” once a month—but they are part of a larger rhythm that affects mood, energy, and yes, libido.
How can we talk about our periods in a way that allows for more connection, intimacy, and understanding?
Whether you or your partner menstruate, here’s a guide to help you navigate these conversations with confidence, care… and maybe even a little curiosity.
By the way – I’m Dani 👋 – Book an experience with me on Sensuali.
1️⃣. Know Thy Cycle, Know Thyself
Before you can communicate about your cycle with a partner, it helps to know where you are in it. If you are on hormonal birth control, the chances of you having a real period are slim, as the sugar pill bleeds are not technically real periods, and that bit of sloughing we see is just a little bit of endometrium leaving the vagina, so, not a real period.
Before you decide on having intimacy, check in with yourself with the following questions:
- What day are you on? (Day 1 = first day of bleeding. Make sure to track Day 1 as a full, day; Day 1 doesn’t count if you got your period at 16:00 or in the evening)
- What’s your libido like at this phase? (For many, the week before a period = low libido, while bleeding itself can bring a surprising boost in arousal.)
- What kind of touch or intimacy feels best? (Some love deep, slow, intimate sex during their period. Others prefer no penetration, just cuddles. Some want to be left completely alone!)
When you know these things about yourself, you can more easily share them with a partner—so there’s no second-guessing or awkward misunderstandings.
2️⃣. Give a Heads-Up
If you’re in a sexual relationship, it can be helpful to let your partner(s) know when your period is coming up. This doesn’t have to be a big announcement—just a casual check-in:
🩸 “Hey, just so you know, my period’s coming in a few days. I tend to get a little more sensitive and emotional, so I might need extra cuddles.”
🔥 “I usually get super turned on during my period—so if you’re up for it, let’s make a mess!”
🛑 “Heads up, I am not into period sex, so let’s plan around that.”
By normalizing these kinds of conversations, you help create a relationship dynamic where periods (and what comes with them) are acknowledged.
3️⃣. Period Sex: Yes, No, Maybe So?
Some people LOVE period sex. Others do not. Both are valid and welcome!
If you’re into it, it’s also worth discussing:
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💦 Do we use a towel or do we have a special or squirt blanket we want to lay down?
🛁 Do we prefer shower sex?
👅 Is oral on the table?
If you’re not into it, that’s perfectly alright.
There are still plenty of ways to be intimate (sensual massages, mutual masturbation, deep kissing, etc.). The key is making sure both partners feel heard, seen and respected.
4️⃣. Menstruation ≠ Just Bleeding
One of the biggest misconceptions is that menstruation is that it is just about the days you’re actively bleeding.
In reality, the entire menstrual cycle (the ups and downs of hormones, energy, and emotions) matters just as much when it comes to sex and intimacy.
Quick recap:
- Early luteal phase (after ovulation) = You might start feeling a little less social, but still crave deep connection.
- Deep luteal phase (PMS week) = Libido might tank, and you might just want a blanket, Netflix and a snack (complex carbs for the win!).
- Menstrual phase (bleeding) = Libido can often rebound! Science shows that testosterone (which drives desire) gets a second little boost here.
Understanding this rhythm can help you and your partner plan with your cycle, instead of ignoring it or working against it.
5️⃣. Discomfort & Mood Shifts
For some, menstruation comes with bloating, cramps, fatigue, and mood swings. It’s okay to talk about this with a partner so they can support you in ways that actually help.
💖 “I’m feeling extra sensitive today. Can we just chill and watch a movie?”
🌿 “My cramps are killing me. Want to rub my back while I moan dramatically?”
🔥 “Orgasms actually help my cramps. Want to help me out?”
The point is not to treat your cycle as a problem that needs fixing—but as a normal part of your body’s rhythm that deserves care, respect, and (if you desire) pleasure.
6️⃣. Normalize, Normalize, NORMALIZE!
At the end of the day, periods are just another part of life—like sleep, hunger, and sex itself.
The more we talk about it openly, the less stigma and awkwardness will exist in relationships.
If you’re someone who menstruates, don’t be afraid to share your experience; break through centuries of cycles of societal shame to be radically honest about how you’re feeling.
If you don’t menstruate, my advice is to approach it with curiosity and respect, and never make any assumptions. When we understand the menstrual cycle better, we deepen our connections and make intimacy more attuned, responsive, and real, while at the same time improving our sex lives. And who doesn’t want that?!?
Read: The Menstrual Compass: How the Cycle Can Help Guide Pleasure and Play.
Explore Educators on Sensuali.
Danielle Keiser
Danielle Keiser is the Queen of Menstrual Health: A pioneer, a consultant, a coach, a speaker, an educator and an exited social entrepreuneur. Since 2013, she has worked to advance menstruation, from launching Menstrual Hygiene Day, to founding the Menstrual Health Hub, to co-authoring the official definition of menstrual health. Danielle has worked across both the public and private sectors with the likes of UNICEF and UNFPA and has consulted large companies like Johnson & Johnson, Essity, and The Body Shop. She is now a Holistic Women's Wellness Coach and offers her guidance to individuals navigating hormonal health challenges and the menopausal transition.
