I commissioned an erotic portrait of myself: I didn’t expect to feel so seen

I’ll be frank. I had never really considered somebody painting me before. I didn’t think of it as a possibility.

When I discovered the erotic works of Paris-based painter Armando Cabba, my mind started to wander. He paints tiny, 15x15cm oil paintings focusing only on the most intimate parts of the body.

The paintings feel strikingly sexual and explicit, yet by showing only a fragment of the body, they preserve a sense of anonymity, a contradiction that makes them all the more arresting.

I couldn’t help but imagine one of me. I immediately started thinking about my lover seeing it, how the rest of the world would never be able to recognise me within it, but he would know instantly. I absolutely loved the sensuality of that concept.

Nudes are great and all, but imagine gifting your lover a real life oil painting of your body for them to keep and cherish.

I reached out to Armando on Sensuali and commissioned him for one of his erotic portrait series, explaining my idea. I wanted something characteristic enough that a lover, or someone who knows me very well, would recognise me within it immediately.

I knew I wanted the painting to focus on my breast, but thought it would be nice to capture a few other details too.

I often sit with my knees pulled up to my chin, and those who know me know it’s my default position, so I thought capturing a little of my leg against my breast could be a nice touch.

I also love the sensuality of hair falling against skin, and felt that a hint of blonde would make it feel distinctly like me. Armando was enthusiastic and responsive to these ideas from the start, and I immediately felt I was in safe hands.

He explained the process and told me the final painting would be on a small 15×15 square wood panel. The next step was sending reference photos. I knew this would be part of it, but when the moment actually came, I was nervous.

I’ve sent my fair share of nudes and, honestly, a boob is a boob, but I was aware that these photos would be what the final painting was modelled on, and that added a strange, heightened layer of self-perception.

I kept going, played around with angles, and the longer I stood in front of the camera the easier it became. I posed as I had planned, took a few rogue ones from different angles, and sent Armando a handful of my favourites. That felt like the scariest step of all.

He was encouraging and delighted with what I sent, and chose one photo that he felt was best to go ahead with. Now it was his turn to shine.

A few days later I received a photo on Sensuali of the very first layer, with Armando taking the time to explain what it was and what it meant in the process. It was already fascinating from an artistic point of view, and to see my body rendered in oil paint for the first time was, frankly, surreal.

It only became more so. With each update Armando sent, the painting came further to life. With every update, I found it harder to imagine how it could look any better. He picked up on tiny details that made it distinctly me, the beauty marks on my skin, the fine blonde hair on my legs.

He sent over a photo of the finished painting. Armando names each work after a Renaissance painting title, paired with catholic hashtags, allowing his explicit work to be posted without strict screening by major social media platforms. It adds an ironic touch that rather perfectly highlights the hypocritical and frankly ridiculous censorship rules of Meta. Mine was called Summer by Tintoretto, which I loved.

Seeing my body in a painting felt so much more resonant than seeing it in a photograph. It transcended into something else entirely.

It allowed me to look at myself as though I were looking at another person’s body, and I was so much kinder to her. She was beautiful!

I went to meet Armando in Paris to collect the painting, taking the metro to Montmartre where he showed me his art studio before handing it over. I was pleasantly surprised by its size, and felt that the smallness of it made it feel even more special and intimate.

After lots of laughs and a few espressos, I headed back to surprise my boyfriend.

I loved handing it to him.

In another era, was this how you sent a nude? The painting now hangs on the wall of my boyfriend’s apartment, which somehow feels a lot sexier than sitting dormant buried deep in a camera roll.

Every time I see it, it makes me smile.

I went into this experience thinking it would be a funky, unique and romantic gift for my partner. I didn’t expect it to be transformative, to allow me to see myself in an entirely new light and to love my body as the magnificent thing it is. I felt a new sense of belonging to a long line of women whose bodies have been revered for centuries.

This experience really highlighted how the shaming of sexuality and the human body today feels like a huge step backwards. Our bodies are nothing to be ashamed of, even when depicted as objects of desire. The erotic has always been part of art. I think that’s worth remembering.

Find Armando on Sensuali to book your own erotic painting.

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Isobel Clark

Author

Isobel is a writer and creative based in Paris. She has been part of the Sensuali team since 2022 and is deeply passionate about eroticism, kink, the feminine experience of pleasure and its place in art and culture. Originally from a Northern UK seaside town, she is naturally drawn to the best things in life: candyfloss, trashy karaoke bars and heart-shaped sunglasses.