The start of a new year isn’t about reinventing yourself, and honestly, the whole “New Year, New Me” thing has never quite landed for me. Instead of piling on pressure with goals that disappear by the end of January, why not create gentler intentions? Ones that invite reflection and curiosity about what your mind and body are honestly asking for, more of, less of, or simply different, when it comes to sex, pleasure, and intimacy.
So instead of resolutions, I invite you to create intentions, ones that honour your mind, body, and spirit, and that help you build a sex life that actually fits who you are today. So, where do you even start? Let’s map it out together.
1. Start With the Mind: What Beliefs Are You Carrying Into the New Year?
Your physical sexual self isn’t separate from your thoughts and your opinions. The stories you tell yourself about worthiness, attractiveness, performance, desire, ageing, pleasure or shape your erotic template more than you realise. So here are some reflective questions you might not have thought to explore for yourself.
- What beliefs about myself or my sexuality am I ready to let go of?
- Where do I feel shame, pressure, or comparison that keeps me disconnected from pleasure?
- What new thoughts or affirmations would support the sex life I want to create?
- What one thing can I introduce slowly to create the sex life I want?
Your mind is your biggest erotic organ, but it can also be your biggest barrier. This year, choose the thoughts that open doors rather than close them. Choose to explore your erotic template for you, not others or what’s expected.
2. Tune Into the Body: What Does It Crave, Resist, or Respond To?
We have all, at some point or another, fallen victim to being disconnected from our bodies. We’re taught to hide our emotions, rush from task to task, eat whatever fills us rather than what nourishes us… Yet when it comes to tuning into pleasure? We’re expected to know how to drop in, feel safe, feel present, and feel turned on. But pleasure doesn’t thrive in a body that’s ignored or rushed.
But good news, your body is constantly communicating with you. Start to listen to the tension, arousal, exhaustion, pleasure, and yes, even the “I’m not in the mood” moments. Reconnection starts with noticing the subtle cues you’ve been overriding. Try asking yourself the following…
- What sensations or practices bring me into connection with my body?
- What would my body ask for more of if I truly listened?
- Where do I override my body’s signals to “keep the peace,” perform, or rush?
- What one thing can I do today to slow down and find pleasure in my body?
And as you explore these questions, remember that you don’t need to change everything at once or put pressure on yourself to get it right. Stay curious and intentional with your actions because this is where your “more, less, and different” starts to take shape.
3. Honour the Spirit: What Makes Your Sexuality Feel Meaningful?
Sex, for some, isn’t just about the physical or mental; it’s soulful and sometimes spiritual and expansive. One way to tap into the more spiritual side is by exploring your sexuality with mindfulness and intention at its core. Bringing in more slowness and awareness can be transformative and, in many ways, can help us push outside the edges of what sex is supposed to be and into what it should be for us as a unique individual.
Start with asking yourself…
Are you a sensual
professional?
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- Where in my sex life do I feel most connected, seen or validated?
- What experiences make my sexuality feel alive, expansive, or fulfilling?
- What rituals or intentions help me return to pleasure as a practice, not a performance?
This might mean practising sensual breathing, creating a pleasure playlist, journaling after intimacy, or choosing practises that feel exciting and fulfilling rather than performative.
4. Mapping Your “More, Less, Different” List
Take out a pen and paper or your Notes app and write three simple headings and answer the following questions next to them:
More: What do you want to expand into? Touch, communication, fantasy, experimentation, rest, foreplay, slowness, spontaneity, desire-building rituals?
Less: What drains you? What habits, dynamics, pressures, or expectations feel heavy? Where can you offer yourself permission to say no?
Different: What feels outdated, stale, or misaligned? What new practices or possibilities feel exciting, nourishing, or curious?
This list isn’t about fixing your sex life; it’s about understanding it, owning it, and shaping it to suit you and your needs better.
Still feel stuck? Download Our Sensual Starter Pack
If you want to go deeper or are new to exploring your sensual side, we’ve created a free resource to help you deepen this work.
Download the Sensual Starter Pack here
A gentle, practical guide filled with prompts, exercises, and sensual practices to help you reconnect with pleasure, understand your desires, and build a more intentional erotic life.
It’s your invitation to begin the year not with pressure, but with pleasure-led clarity.
April Maria
April Maria is a qualified sex educator, sex and relationships coach and training psychosexual and relationships therapist. For the last four years, April has been working in the field of sex education, sex tech and pleasure, endometriosis awareness and helping others when it comes to sexual wellness, intimacy, dating and relationships.
