I know it sounds a bit crazy, especially coming from a platform that celebrates pleasure, but choosing not to have sex can actually be one of the most powerful things you do for yourself and the best way to celebrate the pleasure you ACTUALLY want!

Yep, that’s right, taking sex off the table isn’t about rejection, disinterest, or losing your spark. It’s about reflecting, exploring and then eventually reclaiming what you truly desire and deserve from sex. One thing I have seen consistently Work is learning to release pressure, whether it comes from yourself, a partner, or unrealistic expectations in relationships. However, when we remove something, we must replace it with something else, which is reconnecting with what you truly want without the performance, pressure, or guilt. So what does that look like?

At Sensuali, we talk about pleasure in all its forms. And sometimes, the most radical pleasure practice? Is learning to say not right now.

Let’s explore why pressing pause can be so good for your body, mind, and relationships and what we can replace sex with while we learn to reconnect.

The why…

Taking the pressure off

So many of us have been taught to perform during sex because not only were we taught very little about it growing up we have only gained an understanding through TV, music and porn. This leads us to not only prioritise someone else’s pleasure over our own but to stay quiet about what our bodies want or to even address sexual problems out of fear of being rejected, humiliated or seen as undesirable if we don’t live up to the social norm.

We say yes when we really mean maybe or no, and instead of communicating a simple ‘Could you move your tongue a little to the left?’ We go along with it because we feel too afraid to ask for what we want.

But when sex becomes something we do rather than something we feel, the connection starts to slip, both with our partners and with ourselves. Pressing pause can be a powerful reset and a moment to drop the pressure, strip back the expectations, and come home to what’s real: your body, your boundaries, and your desires.

Space to explore what you truly want

Without the pressure to be turned on, stay turned on, or finish a particular way, you make space for existing outside of performative sex and one that starts with curiosity.

You might discover that what you really crave is more touch without an end goal, more emotional safety, or even find out what your love language is. When we remove the expectation of sex, we invite in a fuller picture of what turns us on mentally, emotionally, and sensually.

One way to start exploring who you truly are in the realms of sex, pleasure, dates, people, relationships or how you feel in your body is to work with a specialist coach or therapist who can help you tap into the areas you feel sit in the shadows. They will ask the questions you may feel too afraid to sit and explore alone.  

Understanding the “Why not?”

Not wanting sex doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you. In fact, your resistance can be one of your greatest teachers. When we feel our bodies or minds pulling away, it’s an opportunity to explore rather than run away from it. What’s it trying to tell you, and why are you avoiding it? This can be truly profound and revealing Work, but it is ultimately rewarding when you lead with an open heart and a curious mind.

Maybe your body is asking for rest. Perhaps there is unresolved shame or trauma. Maybe you’ve never had the chance to explore what desire looks like on your terms. Stepping back from sex gives you room to reflect on what’s truly going on beneath the surface and gently begin rewriting your relationship with it.

How Sensuali can support the pause

If you’re ready to explore putting sex on hold for a while or simply feeling the quiet nudge to slow down, Sensuali is here to hold that space with you and help you on this journey. We believe that not every chapter has to be about sex, and sometimes, the most powerful growth happens when we step back and listen to what our bodies are asking for.

Here’s how Sensuali can support you:

🤲 Work with a coach

Our experienced, sex-positive coaches offer a confidential space to explore what’s going on beneath the surface. Most importantly, coaching is a place of no shame and no pressure but gentle, grounded support. It’s an opportunity for you to unpack the beliefs, habits, or patterns that may be shaping your relationship with sex, intimacy, or self-worth.

🪢 Experiences that go beyond sex

Many of our experiences here on Sensuali are designed to take sex off the table and instead centre on touch, sensation, connection, and embodied presence. You’ll learn to tune into what feels good for you without needing to perform or please anyone else from professionals with a passion for creating safe spaces. Sometimes, the most meaningful intimacy comes from being seen, felt, and held, whether with or without clothes.

📆 Join a workshop or event

Sensuali offers many professionals who provide workshops, group reflections, or embodied movement events; you’ll be surrounded by people who are also ready to connect without performance or pressure. These spaces are designed to nurture real human connection, the kind that goes beyond swipes, scripts, or social expectations.

Final thoughts…

Stepping back is a step towards the pleasure you want, and it’s about redefining it. This is an invitation to tune in rather than push through.

Whether you’re single, partnered, curious, or completely unsure, stepping back from sex can be the doorway to something even deeper: self-trust, self-knowledge, and the kind of connection that doesn’t depend on performance.

We’re here for your pause, your exploration, your return.

April Maria

Author

April Maria is a qualified sex educator, sex and relationships coach and training psychosexual and relationships therapist. For the last four years, April has been working in the field of sex education, sex tech and pleasure, endometriosis awareness and helping others when it comes to sexual wellness, intimacy, dating and relationships.