There’s something powerful about standing in front of a mirror and choosing not to look away. I’m sure for some, the thought alone sends an uncomfortable feeling through their body.
Why would I want to look in the mirror longer than I need to?
For a long time, mirrors were a place of judgment for me. I avoided them when I was naked, kept my head down in the bathroom while washing my hands, and would even turn my back if I caught my reflection while waiting somewhere.
Why? Because it always turned into a running commentary of what I should change, fix, or hide. It became exhausting, and it was best to avoid.
But once I started practising mirror work out of wanting to create a better relationship with myself and my body, I went from avoidance to wanting to look, feel and eventually exploring.
It’s not an easy task, but if you commit to it, it will be one of the most transformative pieces of work you will ever do. At least for me, it changed everything!
So, what is mirror work?
At its core, mirror work is simple. It involves sitting, standing, or lying in front of a mirror and intentionally exploring your body, visually, emotionally, and physically, at your own pace.
But before you read any further, or maybe you’re about to say “no thanks, not for me”, it’s important to remember that you don’t have to dive in all at once.
If this feels uncomfortable (and for many people, it does), start clothed. Begin with parts of your body that feel safest, your face, your hands, your shoulders. Let your eyes rest there a little longer than usual.
Over time, you can gently build and remove one piece of clothing at a time, at your own pace, until you reach a place of full nudity, if and when that feels right for you.
Why mirror work can feel so challenging
Your relationship with your reflection is deeply personal and, at times, very confronting. A mirror shows us parts we often avoid. For me, I started this work not just to love and accept the body I was given, but to fall in love with my scars from 3 surgeries.
For some, looking in the mirror can bring up discomfort, disconnection, or even grief, especially if your external appearance doesn’t always feel aligned with your internal sense of self.
Mirror work can bring you into proximity with your body in a way that everyday life allows you to avoid. And that’s exactly why it can be so powerful.
In therapeutic settings, mirror work is often used to help people:
- Tolerate being seen, even by themselves
- Move away from self-criticism and towards neutrality
- Notice and allow emotions, rather than suppress them
- Build compassion and appreciation for their body
And this applies just as much to self-exploration outside of therapy.
A gentle invitation to get you started
Start by taking a moment to connect with yourself before you even look.
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- Close your eyes.
- Notice your breath.
- Tune into how your body feels from the inside.
Then open your eyes and look at your reflection, and rather than jumping to judgment, try describing what you see in a neutral, almost observational way, for example…
“I have a nose.”
“My shoulders are here.”
“My skin looks like this.”
This might sound simple, but it’s a powerful shift, from criticism to awareness and changing those instant thoughts from negative self-talk to positive or neutral observations about yourself.
Bringing touch into the practice
Once you feel more comfortable being seen, you can begin to introduce removing layers of clothes and eventually touch.
Using your hands, slowly explore your body with soft, intentional touch. Again, you can start small, by rubbing your hands together with intention or stroking your face or forearms. Stay with each sensation and each touch for 5 minutes, and notice and say aloud in your head
- What feels good
- What feels unfamiliar
- What feels tense or disconnected
- How do you speak to your body in these moments?
- Are you rushing, judging, or avoiding?
This is where awareness begins to turn into understanding, and you can start to be kind, curious, and exploratory.
What tends to happen around this moment is that pesky old feeling of shame or embarrassment might show its ugly head, and that’s ok. Stay with it and don’t try to avoid it. Ask yourself why this might be happening.
- What are you embarrassed about?
- Where did you learn this?
- Is this how you really feel, or something learnt?
- Can you put it aside for now and bring yourself back?
This is where the real work lies and where change begins.
Learning to be with yourself
Mirror work isn’t about suddenly loving everything you see or being super empowered straight away. This work takes time and will continue to evolve, especially as your body changes with age.
It’s about learning to be with yourself, especially in moments that feel uncomfortable. It’s about learning to have more compassion in a world that consistently insists you change and adapt to fit a certain mould.
Over time, this practice can help you feel more connected to your body and sense of self, explore your desires and parts of your body that are often left untouched, and build a more trusting, respectful relationship with yourself.
Remember that some days it might feel empowering. Other days it might feel vulnerable or confronting.
Both are part of the process.
Want to better understand how to practise mirror work with an expert? Book a 1:1 with me today via my Sensuali profile
April Maria
April Maria is a qualified sex educator, sex and relationships coach and training psychosexual and relationships therapist. For the last four years, April has been working in the field of sex education, sex tech and pleasure, endometriosis awareness and helping others when it comes to sexual wellness, intimacy, dating and relationships.
