I went to a sex toy convention over the weekend with the intention of putting together a cute little listicle of five things I learned while there. But after racking my brain (and the brain of the friend who went with me) about key takeaways, I realized how little substance the event had to offer. So instead, I’m just going to rant about the dark side of sex positivity.
Don’t get me wrong, I am so here for the sexual renaissance that’s going on. Repressed attitudes towards sex are finally shifting, as religion becomes less of a guiding force in modern society. Women are having more orgasms, bodies of all shapes and sizes are being celebrated, and queer love is becoming more accepted than ever before on both a cultural and legal level.
As sex-positive culture becomes more mainstream though, capitalism can’t help but swoop in to dig its claws into a once-pure movement. It’s a story as old as time. Just look at the way hippie culture has been commodified. During the 1960s, rock-and-roll-loving hippies represented a counterculture that was anti-establishment. They weren’t in it for the money. They were in it for the love.
But it didn’t take long for men in suits to realize they could make a pretty penny off of this “cool” new movement. As such, it became diluted and in many ways, hypocritical. Just think of John Lennon. His song Imagine talks about a world with no possessions. But critics were quick to point out how his materialistic lifestyle embodied the total opposite of the lyrics he sang.
I’m not saying money is bad and I’m also not saying that a person is wrong for selling out in order to solidify financial security and status for themselves. God knows I would do it. The point I’m trying to make is that it’s important to be able to filter through the inevitable bullshit that comes about once people realize that money can be made off of a cultural phenomenon.
One of the talks at the convention was given by a woman who had developed a sexting app. The idea behind it is that it gives you prompts and helps you learn how to be a better sexter. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. It feels like people are obsessed with turning everything into an app. Why on earth would someone need an app when they could just text something to their lover?
Or better yet, send a love letter! I get that not everyone can get all wax poetic the way I can, but having a robot pump out some algorithm for you to get your freak on feels a little disingenuous. Speaking from the heart is always the move, at least as far as I’m concerned.
The stalls upon stalls of vibrators and various other sex toys also struck me as a bit cheesy. I definitely think sex toys can elevate sexual exchanges and also help people better understand their bodies. But is a vibrator your partner can control through an app on their phone really better than getting head? Hell no.
In my opinion, the world is going in two distinct directions when it comes to technology. One school of thought sees the takeover of robots as inevitable. They believe that the Metaverse will soon be ubiquitous and that kids should learn how to code as soon as they are out of diapers because it is the language of the future.
The other school is disillusioned by technology — social media in particular. They accept it as an inevitability but try their best to choose real-life experiences over digital ones. They minimize their screen time the best they can and aim to let their children’s brains develop fully before introducing technology into their lives. Unsurprisingly, this is the school of thought I favor.
Quite frankly, I’m deeply disturbed by how diminished people’s attention spans are becoming, and how quickly a room full of friends can go silent as one person after another opens their phone and gets sucked into doom-scrolling. The fact that tech executives fully acknowledge how these apps were designed to be addictive and that they don’t let their own children anywhere near screens says it all.
The intersection of sexual liberation, capitalism, and tech obviously isn’t all bad. It democratizes sex education and allows people to connect with like-minded people. But at the same time, it interferes with the humanity of sex and love. There’s nothing more natural than two people developing a physical and emotional attraction toward each other and exploring one another’s bodies.
There’s so much noise out there and it’s ruining intimacy. Hardcore porn is making it hard for men to cum from normal, vanilla sex with someone they love. Dating apps are making it all too easy to avoid forging meaningful romantic connections because the second shit gets hard in a relationship, you can easily just run away and find someone else to direct your affection towards. And all these gadgets and gizmos are making ménage à trois with robots the new norm.
It’s time we strip away the fluff and get back to basics. More cuddling, less sexting apps. More pussy-eating, less vibrator usage. More real-life connections, less virtual reality. Capitalism has tried to trick us into thinking that spending money on all these bells and whistles can and will make our sex lives better. But it is my belief that there is nothing more special or soul-quenching than two humans spending time together, free of distractions.
Jules
Based in Brooklyn, Jules has dedicated her twenties towards harnessing her pussy power, exploring the muse, whore, and wild woman archetypes along the way. When not blogging, you can find her sweating the toxins out in a hot yoga class or sipping a matcha latte at a pretentious coffee shop, whilst she scribbles away in her journal.
