Unlike intercourse, it’s undecided whether kissing is a natural or learned behaviour, but to me, this is what makes it so important. It’s proof of our humanity and desire for connection, and for sex to be more than just mating. Kissing also releases endorphins, and the exchange of saliva is chemically something that turns us on.
I find it super sad that so many people out there in the world fail to see the beauty of kissing. They see it as a gateway to sexual action rather than something in itself. I hate it when a guy kisses me and I can feel that he’s only doing it to follow the ‘steps’ and that there’s zero emotion or sensuality behind it.
Especially in our current, porn-mad society, kissing and true sensuality has been put on the back burner. Obscure kinks, sex toys (cough – capitalism – cough) and the ultra rough stuff is what is deemed the most exciting kind of sex among many today.
As much as I dabble in kink, I would argue that this isn’t always the key to excitement. A good kiss however…
I can understand, in a way, those who don’t value a good kiss. Even I have been guilty of not really thinking much about kissing and almost forgetting about it as a form of intimacy. After much reflection, I’ve categorised the types of kissing that I’ve experienced in my life, from worst to best:
The Gateway.
This is what I mention above. People kissing just because they feel it’s a necessary step within sexual action. Little emotion involved. Normally feels awkward and unfitting, as if your mouths don’t match.
The Aggressor.
You know when someone is literally shoving their tongue down your throat and grabbing your face with alarming force? As if their tongue is a penis and your mouth a pussy? This, I’m sorry to say, is a very male way of kissing. I don’t believe that there’s no emotion behind it, but it’s not at all sensual.
I don’t hate this style of kissing- I guess it’s similar to rough sex and it’s very carnal which can be hot, but if you have an aggressor on your hands you have to be willing to surrender and accept your role as the receiver because the overwhelming presence of their tongue in your mouth with render you incapable of much movement yourself.
The Passionate.
This type of kissing has the similar carnal vibe to The Aggressor, but it’s a two way thing and so is slightly more sensual. It’s the can’t-keep-your-hands-off-each-other vibe, lip biting, intense tongue etc. etc. It’s practically always a predecessor to sex.
The Sensual.
Here’s the more typically feminine stuff. It’s two people not rushing, taking turns, teaching each other things. It’s sweet and innocent in a teenager-y type of way but still very erotic. You both enjoy the moment and gradually get more and more turned on as you go.
The Telepathy.
The ultimate kiss. The absolute harmony. This is like the heightened version of The Sensual. No one is leading the way, no one is even taking turns, you are both lost in one another, time slows down, you lose all sense of where you are, and melt into the moment. All conscious thought becomes subconscious.
You are basically half dreaming together, it feels as though you’re having a telepathic conversation. Your eyes normally close naturally, and your instincts lead the way. This is where kissing becomes like dancing. This is the art of kissing.
I also believe that you can reach this feeling of telepathy in sex too. It’s what makes physical intimacy so special to me. There’s something so transcendent about the act and that’s not down to the physical closeness. The physical closeness is just the gateway to the mental closeness.
It’s as though you’re both deep in your thoughts, but those thoughts are intertwined. I don’t know how often other people experience this ‘telepathy’ or if that’s what they call ‘making love’, but personally I can say it doesn’t happen too often.
Even with a partner you really connect with and experience ‘the telepathy’ with, it doesn’t mean it will be like that every time. Sex is a fragile thing, affected by so many different factors.
In a world where kissing is brushed aside within the realms of sexual activity, I think it’s time to give it the credit it truly deserves. There is a misconception in our current era that the more rough, kinky, and removed the intimacy is, the more pleasurable it is, but that’s not true at all!
The slow and smoochy stuff doesn’t equal vanilla..in fact some of the most erotic intimacy that I’ve had has been very gentle and slow. It’s in those realms in which you’ll truly understand the art of kissing!
Iso
Iso is a writer and filmmaker based in East London. She is passionate about all things erotic and leads a sexy, shame-free life in hope that she can inspire others to do the same. Originally from a Northern seaside town, she is naturally drawn to the best things in life: candyfloss, trashy karaoke bars and heart-shaped sunglasses.
