Why Everyone Needs To Know About Asexuality

Asexuality has been described as the ‘invisible orientation’ for a reason. Not only because it’s perceived as being ‘less obvious,’ it’s also often ignored. It isn’t acknowledged in sex education, in legislation, in workplace equality, and it’s barely a topic in the media. Even the information that is out there largely attracts, and is aimed at, people of certain demographics. Sometimes, asexuality seems to exist on the margins, often in its own bubble, rather than as part of wider conversations about sexuality. But asexuality is something that everyone should know and care about, whether they’re part of the community or not.

Here are some reasons why:

1. You definitely know asexual people, even if you don’t realise it

You might be thinking, “I haven’t met an asexual person,” but you most certainly have. It’s estimated that asexual people make up around 1-2% of the population, possibly more when you consider the breadth of the spectrum. That’s around the same as ginger people, and we’ve all met a ginger person. When you take the breadth of the asexual spectrum into consideration, and that there are asexual people out there who haven’t heard of the label, those are likely to be underestimations. You could very well have a friend, a sibling, a parent, or a colleague who is asexual – maybe even a partner, or a former partner. If no one has ever confided their asexuality to you, it might be because they haven’t felt safe to do so. Becoming more aware of asexuality could help you to strength your relationships and understanding of others.

2. Asexual people are made to feel broken, you can remove that stigma

There is stigma attached to asexuality, a stigma rooted in heteronormativity and the idea of there being a compulsory, ‘correct’ way to experience sexuality. It’s a message that harms us all, and can make those inside and outside of the asexual community feel like they’re experiencing sexuality in the ‘wrong way.’ Just as homosexuality was in the past, asexuality is still medicalised, and categorised as a disorder under the International Classification of Diseases. The UK government found that we’re 10% more likely to be offered or to undergo conversion therapy than other orientations. It’s an unfortunately common part of the asexual experience to have others try to convince us that we’re broken and need fixing. Data has also shown that asexual people have higher rates of depression and anxiety than straight people, but to a similar degree as other LGBTQ+ groups. It’s the impact of the alienation we experience for our identities, and it can be tackled by more education and understanding.

3. Asexuality shows that sexuality is more nuanced than you think

Asexuality is not its own detached conversation. It’s part of the fabric of human sexuality, and any conversation about sexuality that doesn’t include asexuality is missing a crucial part. We’re often taught to think that there’s little more to sexuality than sexual attraction. It’s why people forget that asexuality is a type of sexual orientation, and that there’s more to sexuality than just being attracted to one gender, the same gender or multiple. This simplistic idea of sexuality also contributes to the misconception that asexual people must have no sexuality at all, but that isn’t necessarily the case. It’s entirely possible to have sexuality that’s independent of other people, and placing more emphasis on that wouldn’t just normalise asexuality, it could be powerful for those outside of the community to harness their sexuality alone.

4. It’ll help expand your ideas about romantic relationships

For many people, their sexual and romantic orientation is all part of the same experience, but there’s usually a time when the distinction becomes more obvious. That’s something asexual people have already had to think about, as some still experience romantic attraction without experiencing sexual attraction. We’ve even come up with a model for it, the Split-Attraction Model, updating ideas dating back to the 1800s to show that people’s sexual and romantic identity don’t always align. It takes the nuances of romantic attraction into consideration, that it might be the primary form of attraction for some, secondary for others, that it may only develop under certain conditions, that someone might be more romantically attracted to one gender and sexually attracted to another.

5. Asexuality is a reminder that being queer isn’t just about sex

Too often, queerness is boiled down to who you have sex with and how, but there’s so much more to the experience. In fact, it does queer culture, queer identity and queer people a disservice to be so hyperfocused on such specific aspects of their sexuality. Some say that asexuality doesn’t fit into the conversation for that reason – because it’s perceived as desexualised lifestyle choice. But asexuality isn’t the same as celibacy, and it’s been a documented part of queer sexuality since the beginnings of queer theory in the 1800s – it’s even part of the Kinsey Scale, which was used to depict the diversity of human sexual orientation. As a non-heteronormative identity, asexuality has experienced similar stigma and pathologization that continues to bring the asexual community into the fight for queer equality. Limiting our inclusion in conversations about equal access to IVF, protection from hate crimes, inclusive sex education and ending conversion therapy means that queer equality hasn’t truly been achieved.

Final Word

So when you’re speaking about LGBTQIA+ experiences, or about the issue the queer community is facing, remember to go all the way down the acronym. Put the same energy into being knowledgeable and inclusive of asexuality as you would the first few letters. Not only could you be a great ally to a growing minority, you’ll probably learn something about yourself in the process.

You can find out more information about issues facing the asexual community here: https://www.stonewall.org.uk/resources/lgbtq-hubs/ace-hub/stonewall-x-yasmin-benoit-ace-project

Yasmin Benoit

Author

Yasmin Benoit is a British model, multi-award-winning asexual activist, writer, speaker, consultant and researcher. Described as the "unlikely face of asexuality" by Cosmopolitan Magazine, she quickly became a leading voice for the community after publicly coming out in 2017. She started the #ThisIsWhatAsexualLooksLike movement for diverse asexual visibility and representation and co-founded International Asexuality Day (April 6). Yasmin was the first asexual grand marshal at NYC Pride 2023, and the first asexual person to lead Pride in London in 2024. Partnering with Stonewall, she released a groundbreaking report into asexual discrimination, and has since received a visiting fellowship position with King's College London's Policy Institute.