Ah, the festive season! The sweet smell of intrusive family members, drunken clients and little custom. Here’s a guide for escorts on how to combat the shittiness (especially in the midst of a financial crisis). 

 

An Escort’s Guide to the Festive Season

 

When To Work

Christmas Eve, New Years Eve and New Years Day are the big money making days. If you’re prepared to sacrifice the time, then it’s advisable to go ham on these days so that you’re not overly stressed about making ends meet for the rest of the season.

If you were only to work one of these days, many people choose Christmas Eve- it’s supposed to be the busiest day of the season, and it also gets it out of the way so you’re free to enjoy the holiday afterwards. 

 

When Not To Work

Christmas Day tends to be a write off (with exceptions). The days leading up to Christmas are usually slow as things are getting busy and people are having family time. If you’re taking days off, it’s best to do it around here.  January (especially at the start) is super quiet because people have splashed their dosh over Christmas and are in their ‘new year, new me’ mood.

If you still want to be productive during January, you can spend your time finally doing those ‘smart escort’ things that you never normally get time to focus on. For example, sorting out how to best manage your admin.

Many escorts claim that hiring someone else to do their admin was the smartest decision they made. So, if organisation is your weak point, January could be spent doing this. 

 

Difficult Clients

The festive season can be a sensitive period, and you might find clients to be more volatile than usual. People are likely to be intoxicated and might be pushy in their behaviour. It’s going to be a lot of trying to hit without a condom, being more grabby than usual, and high running emotions.

Now, everyone knows that men are creatures easily manipulated. Being aggressive towards your client in retaliation runs the chance of making their behaviour worse and it might make the session more difficult than it needs to be. It’s a lot easier to ✨manipulate ✨.

If a client is getting pushy, try and subtly redirect their attention- get on top of them for example, just do something that switches it up. You can keep things light-hearted whilst still getting your way. Leading the session from the get-go in your action and conversation, whilst remaining calm and friendly is always a good way to let them know who’s in control.  

 

Dealing With Family

If you’re spending Christmas with family the chances are you’re in for some uncomfortable questions and passive aggressive comments 💕… Under the pressure of a group environment, it can be very difficult to react properly. It may be a cliche, but the best thing to remember is that you can’t control people, but you can control how you react to them.

You do not have to answer to anyone. Your family might still treat you like a child, because that’s what they know you as; they might believe that you owe them answers. Well you don’t. You’re an adult and your life can be as private as you wish.

For me, my grandma is the worst Christmas interrogator. Initially, I would fumble for lies (that she didn’t believe anyway), until I realised that in lying I was disrespecting my decisions in life, as if they were something to be ashamed of. 

I recently learnt to combat her behaviour by remaining light hearted and simply saying something along the lines of ‘I’m not sharing that with you, it’s private!’ all with a grin. I’ve found that being blunt and direct whilst remaining positive puts me in a position of power and allows me to set boundaries. 

 

If You’re Alone

If you happen to be alone on Christmas Day, and feel that you may as well work, there are a couple of nice ways to go about this. Many escorts spend their day with a regular, who won’t let them down and who they have a half-decent relationship with (it can actually make for a uniquely happy day!) and it’s a lot better than spending it with total strangers. 

Another way to spend the day if you have the means, is to treat yourself to a fancy hotel stay; room service, spa treatment- the works, and if you get bookings then you can view it as a way to pay for your stay, and if you don’t, then you still had a lovely solo Christmas Day, win-win!

If you have a big online following, then another option is to really do a ‘one lucky man gets to spend Christmas Day with me’ post and let them fight to the death. 

If you sugar as a side hustle, you might find some daddies online who are wanting to whisk you away from the festive season, so that’s another option to check out. 

 

Self Care

The festive season can be a stressful one for sex workers, where their income is unpredictable and the outgoings are usually high. It’s easy to overwork in a desperate attempt to make up for this. Yes, self care has sort of turned into a hollow buzz word, but it really is important. Take days off that you know are likely to be quiet, and give that time to yourself.

It’s said that making sure you remain in touch with your own body is key in sex work, hence why meditation is so hyped within the industry. Meditation aligns your body with your mind- so it’s perfect for the wellbeing and for being more present during bookings. 

Skincare and looking after your physical appearance yada yada yada, you’ve heard it all before…Personally, skincare and the like is so important because just by the process of doing it, I feel better about myself. It’s just as much about the actual action as it is the results.

If you can’t afford a spa day, I tend to pimp my face mask…I do that by steaming my face beforehand. I fill up a large bowl with boiling water, sometimes add essential oils and hover my face over the bowl, with a towel around my head to keep the heat in.

Once you’re all hot and sweaty and your pores are open, putting on a cooling face mask afterwards has the same effect as going in a plunge pool after a steam room. You feel very refreshed !

Finally, it’s important to spend time with friends, whether they’re sex workers or non-sex workers. If you’re feeling alone over the Christmas season and live in London, Sex Worker Breakfasts do a fantastic weekly social, where you can have a free cooked breakfast in a safe space and meet other sex workers. 

 

 

Photo credit: © Michael Ochs Archives/Corbis

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Iso

Iso

Author

Iso is a writer and filmmaker based in East London. She is passionate about all things erotic and leads a sexy, shame-free life in hope that she can inspire others to do the same. Originally from a Northern seaside town, she is naturally drawn to the best things in life: candyfloss, trashy karaoke bars and heart-shaped sunglasses.


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