Why saying what you want – in bed and beyond – is the most liberating thing you’ll ever do. 

From Silent to Sensual: Why Finding Your Voice is the Ultimate Turn-On

Here’s a secret most of us were never taught: sex isn’t just about bodies. It’s about voice; your ability to say what you want, what you need, and what you’re curious to explore.

And no, I don’t mean moaning on command or dirty talk on tap (though both can be delicious). I’m talking about the voice that says:

Slower.

Touch me here.

I want to feel wanted.

Most of us weren’t raised to express desire. We were taught to be polite, nice, mysterious; but never explicit. So it’s no wonder that when it comes to sex, so many people feel like they’ve lost their words.

But guess what? Your sexual voice isn’t lost. It’s just waiting for permission. And baby, you don’t need anyone’s permission but your own.

What the Hell Is a Sexual Voice?

Your sexual voice is how you speak your truth around sex. It’s how you express your desires, your boundaries, your oh yes please and your not tonight, darling.

Sometimes it’s a whisper. Sometimes it’s a growl. Sometimes it’s a three-minute monologue followed by, Was that too much? (Spoiler: It wasn’t.)

It can sound like:

• Can we talk about something I’ve been fantasizing about?
• I don’t like it when you touch me like that.
• I don’t know what I want, but I want to figure it out.

Your sexual voice is the bridge between what you feel and what you experience. And when you find it? Everything gets better; not just your sex life, but your confidence, your relationships, and the way you carry yourself in the world.

Why So Many of Us Mute Ourselves

Let’s be real: we don’t come out of the womb ashamed of desire. That gets taught.

Shame, silence, stigma; they sneak in early. Maybe someone laughed when you said you liked a certain touch. Maybe you were never asked what felt good. Maybe you’ve been performing for so long, you’ve forgotten what pleasure even sounds like in your own voice.

Especially if you’re a woman, queer, or neurodivergent; the pressure to shut up and be sexy is real. We’re allowed to look hot, but not to talk hot.

Let’s smash that script.

What Finding Your Voice Feels Like

Reclaiming your sexual voice can feel awkward. Scary. Downright weird at first. You might stumble over your words. You might laugh mid-sentence. You might cry. (That’s okay too.)

But then something shifts.

You say, I want to try being tied up.
You ask, Can we slow down?
You say, Yes and mean it. Or you say, No, and mean it.

And suddenly, you’re not just having sex. You’re participating. You’re co-creating. You’re fucking with your whole self present.

Six Ways to Start Finding (and Using) Your Sexual Voice

1. Start with Yourself

Before you share your desires with someone else, start solo. Literally. Touch yourself. Explore new strokes. Say things out loud. Describe your fantasy to your reflection. Moan. Laugh. Be cringey. Be real.

This is how you build trust; with yourself first.

2. Write Your Desires Down

Keep a sexy journal. Write letters to your libido. Make a list of fantasies. Hell, send yourself a sext. When you see your desires in your own handwriting, they stop being scary. They become real. Claimable. Yours.

3. Use Your Voice (Even Just a Little)

You don’t have to shout. Start with simple phrases like:

• That feels nice.
• Can you do more of that?
• I like it when…

These aren’t just words. They’re acts of liberation.

4. Let Erotica Be Your Wingwoman

Reading (or listening to) erotica is like foreplay for your voice. Notice what turns you on. Repeat the phrases you like. Read a sexy story to your partner; or have them read it to you. Let language be the spark that lights your fire.

My book GIVE IT TO ME! and my podcast DEEP&DIRTY are full of real stories and prompts to get you thinking; and speaking; more openly.

5. Find a Safe Space to Practice

You don’t have to do this alone. That’s literally what I offer at mrs-opel.com: a judgment-free space to say the things you’ve never dared say out loud. Think of it as the sex-positive confessional you wish your therapist offered.

I’ve had clients practice saying I want to be dominated or I don’t want to have sex, but I want to be touched; for the first time. Saying it changes everything.

6. Turn On Together

If you have a partner, talk outside the bedroom. Make a ritual of it. Pour a drink, light a candle, say: Let’s talk about what we want; no pressure, just honesty.

You can even make it fun: take turns naming fantasies. Play Would you rather…? with sexy twists. Use audio porn or erotica to open the door.

Personal Story: When I Found My Roar

After two kids and a long, unintentional dry spell, I felt like my body wasn’t mine anymore; and neither was my voice. Sex felt like a to-do list. Or a performance. Or worse, a chore.

But one night, I sat down and wrote a story. A filthy, honest, heart-thumping fantasy. Then I read it out loud; to myself. Then, eventually, to someone else.

That was the beginning.

Now? My sexual voice is part of my life. It’s in my books. My podcast. My sessions with clients. My DMs, even.

And it’s available to you, too.

Don’t Wait for Permission

You don’t need to have it all figured out. You don’t need the perfect words. You just need to start.

Say the messy, shaky, sexy thing. Say it badly. Say it bravely. Say it because it’s your truth; and your truth deserves to be heard.

Final Thoughts: Your Moan is a Manifesto

Your sexual voice is more than dirty talk. It’s more than yes or no. It’s your whole being saying: I exist. I feel. I want.

So go ahead: speak up. Whisper. Growl. Write. Roar.
And if you need someone to practice with?

I’m here. As your confidante at mrs-opel.com

On pleasepinchmehard.com — home to all my books, podcast, and juicy extras.

On Instagram — where the conversations continue (and the captions get a little naughty). 

In the pages of SEX SEX SEX – Your Workbook (DE/ENG)

Between the lines of GIVE IT TO ME! Short, naughty stories

On the DEEP&DIRTY podcast

And, proudly, on Sensuali

Lisa Opel

Author

Lisa Opel, celebrated author and pleasure advocate, brings a unique realism to erotic literature with her book "GIVE IT TO ME!", available in audio, print, and ebook formats. Renowned for her insightful TEDx talk and her bilingual podcast DEEP&DIRTY, where she discusses all facets of sexuality with coaches, therapists, and experts, Lisa is dedicated to sexual empowerment and exploration. Her work has captured the attention of audiences on television and in well-regarded media outlets internationally. Her collaborations with Skirt Club and the educational platform feel reinforce her commitment to enhancing understanding and dialogue about sexual freedom.