What’s The Deal with Power Play?
Power play and BDSM can get a bad reputation. It makes sense, in the way that the idea of pain and control seems almost in total opposition to what sex is supposed to be about: love, tenderness and connection.
Although the word BDSM was only created in 1991, the concept of power play in sex has been around for much longer.
Power dynamics are something we can’t escape in life. They are all around us, sometimes obvious and sometimes subtle. In drama and acting, one of the first things actors do when staging a scene is figure out the power dynamics between characters – who holds it, who wants it, and who gives it away. Power can be uncomfortable, but it is also natural, and often exciting.
Think about what it feels like to watch someone captivate a room, or to see a rise and fall in power, or someone willingly giving away their power to another because they’re completely enamoured. Even in friendship groups, power shifts and tensions shape the energy. No interaction is completely free of power dynamics.
Have you ever wondered what it might feel like to bring these power dynamics we live with every day right to the surface?
To acknowledge them, to feel their pull, and to play with them? To surrender without feeling silly or small, to give in by choice? To take power without apology, and to stop fearing how it might look to enjoy it?
The Truth About BDSM
When the average person thinks of BDSM, they might imagine pain, cruelty or rough sex. They might wonder, why would I, or anyone else ever want that? But this is missing the most crucial part of BDSM – the psychological side.
Soft BDSM takes this one step further. Hardcore pain doesn’t even have a place here. Soft BDSM is all about the more subtle forms of psychological power play, where the arousal comes from tension and trust. It plays with the same themes of control and surrender, but through tenderness and attention rather than intensity.
Read more: Breaking Down Myths About BDSM
Let’s Talk About Soft BDSM
Soft BDSM is for those who want to explore dominance and submission not through pain or punishment but through care and deep connection. And exploring the trust you share with a partner is a huge part of it.
Soft BDSM is sometimes called gentle domination or emotional power play, but what makes it special is its pace. It’s not about pushing limits, it’s about savouring them.
It’s not about using power in cruel ways, but about exploring what it feels like when power rests in gentle hands.
Instead of harsh commands, soft domination might sound like encouragement: you’re doing so well, keep going, that’s it. It’s power that is kind but still firm, guiding rather than demanding.
Soft BDSM uses the same ideas as traditional BDSM, but replaces physical intensity with empathy and awareness. The dominant leads by reading every breath and movement, using presence rather than force.
There might be restraints, but they’re silky. Soft BDSM reminds us that pleasure can exist in both giving and yielding, and that submission can be about discovering deeper intimacy through playful surrender. It’s not about pain, it’s about presence.
The Emotional Side of Soft BDSM
What makes soft BDSM different is its emotional depth. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable in this way helps you drop performance and pretence.
Many people find that this kind of power play lets them feel seen and safe in ways that everyday intimacy doesn’t always allow.
BDSM, when practised with care, can also be a powerful way to learn communication. It encourages partners to talk openly about what feels good, what doesn’t, and where their limits lie. Checking in: how does this feel, do you want more, are you okay?, becomes part of the rhythm.
That level of honesty builds trust, and it’s something many people realise has been missing from their “normal” sex lives. In a strange way, BDSM can create safer boundaries, because everything is spoken about rather than assumed.
Just like in all forms of BDSM, aftercare is a must. Aftercare means taking gentle time together after play to talk about how you feel, what you enjoyed, or simply lying together. It’s the opposite of rushing off and leaving each other disconnected. Aftercare turns play into something grounding and affectionate.
Why Soft BDSM Is Blowing Up
For many, soft BDSM feels like a way to reclaim sensuality without the harshness that can sometimes come with kink. It’s a gateway to intimacy rather than an intimidating power struggle. Couples often find that it builds trust, adds curiosity and brings new energy to their connection.
Soft BDSM isn’t about extremes. It’s about finding power in gentleness and surrender in safety.
Soft BDSM is an exploration of desire that celebrates awareness and emotional connection as much as physical pleasure.
What Does Soft BDSM Look Like?
There are endless ways to explore soft BDSM. You might start with:
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Sensation play using feathers, silk, or ice
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professional?Join hundreds of BDSM practitioners, content creators, erotic writers, artists, coaches, masseurs, muses and more on Sensuali
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Temperature play with warmth and coolness
- Verbal domination using gentle tones and encouraging language
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Light bondage or tie and tease using scarves or rope
Soft BDSM foreplay can begin long before the bedroom. It might look like watching a shibari performance together and feeling the slow build of tension. It might be playful messages throughout the day that create anticipation.
Even small moments like a partner guiding your movement, holding your gaze, or playfully challenging you can become everyday acts of power play.
How to Explore Soft BDSM
Exploring soft BDSM doesn’t have to be scary or intimidating. And you certainly don’t have to do it alone.
Sensuali is a community platform where you can learn about sex and sensuality in a safe, open way. It’s a space to explore new things like soft BDSM through workshops, group meets, online events, private coaching and more – all hosted by verified, trusted professionals who understand the importance of care and consent.
Here are some of our favourite soft BDSM experiences that you can book now:
🌶️ Spicy Liberation: Intimacy & Kink Guidance
This online guided session with kink guide Luna Rose invites you to explore soft BDSM and power play with curiosity and care. Expect open conversation that helps you understand what you’re drawn to, how to navigate it, and gentle guidance on where to begin.
Book your “Spicy Liberation: Intimacy & Kink Guidance” Session here
⛓️ Play – Experiential Kink Mentoring
This mentoring journey with Luna Rose offers guided, experiential support in discovering your sensual edge and kink potential. It’s designed to help you explore soft BDSM and power exchange from a place of curiosity, clear communication and own-your-desire confidence.
🌊 Put Your Toe in the Kinky Water
A gentle introduction hosted by Chloe Ephemeral designed for those curious about kink. This session invites you to “dip your toe” into playful power dynamics and soft BDSM in a safe environment, where you can explore what excites you without pressure or expectation.
🌹 Surrender Ritual
A beautifully held session with Luna Rose that invites you into a soft BDSM experience of letting go and trust. Expect rituals that centre on presence, breath and responsiveness rather than force. A safe space to explore surrender and power exchange.
🫂 Therapy for Kinksters & Lovers
A reflective session with Nica Éclat designed for anyone navigating the emotional layers of kink and soft BDSM. This guided experience helps you explore communication, boundaries and self-understanding so your power play feels safe, connected and authentic.
These are just a few of the sensual experiences waiting for you on Sensuali. Discover all Kink & BDSM experiences here.
Read more: A Beginners Guide to BDSM
Explore BDSM Experiences on Sensuali
Iso
Iso is a writer and filmmaker based in East London. She is passionate about all things erotic and leads a sexy, shame-free life in hope that she can inspire others to do the same. Originally from a Northern seaside town, she is naturally drawn to the best things in life: candyfloss, trashy karaoke bars and heart-shaped sunglasses.
