For most of our lives as women, society keeps us under a microscope. Every choice, and every ‘flaw’ is scrutinised. But somewhere around midlife, something unexpected happens: the scrutiny fades. Instead of freedom, many women experience a different kind of erasure: invisibility.

This phenomenon is often called “The Invisible Woman”. The phrase has been captured in songs and essays, but I wanted to understand what it really feels like to live through it. So I interviewed my mum, who is 65, single, and candid about her experience of ageing, desire, and what it means to be overlooked.

What followed was a conversation about sexuality, invisibility, and the urgent need to rethink how we see middle-aged women.

What Does It Mean to Be “Invisible”?

“When you reach a certain age, you are no longer the young girl at the bar people look at, and you are not an older lady who attracts sympathy” my mum told me. “You are just ignored. It is subtle. Not cruelty. Just a kind of nothingness.”

She described how this invisibility appears in everyday life: walking down the street, sitting in a meeting, ordering a drink. “You know you are the same person inside, wiser, more confident, more experienced, but it feels like the outside world has stopped noticing.”

Desire Does Not Expire

Perhaps the most striking thing my mum said was about sexuality. “My libido has not decreased at all,” she told me. “But society assumes that women past a certain age stop wanting sex. It is not true.”

“My friends and I still want intimacy, touch, connection. What is painful is the assumption that we do not, or worse, that if we admit to it, it is laughable.”

This myth, that menopause marks the end of desire, is deeply damaging. In fact, research shows that intimacy and pleasure remain vital to health and wellbeing well into later life. In cultures such as Japan’s, sexuality among elders is respected as part of a long, fulfilling life.

Men Age, Women Disappear

My mum also pointed out the glaring double standard. “A man in his fifties becomes a silver fox, desirable, powerful. His wrinkles are seen as wisdom. A woman the same age? She is fighting to cover grey hair, judged for every line, and treated as if she is past her best.”

Even language betrays the imbalance: an older man dating younger women is celebrated; an older woman is called a cougar. Men get “dad bods” that are romanticised; women’s bodies remain brutally policed.

“It is not that women lose vitality,” she said. “It is that society refuses to value it.”

Reclaiming Visibility

Invisibility is not the end of the story. Increasingly, older women are refusing to fade quietly, exploring their sensuality and claiming space for desire in midlife. Media coverage reflects this cultural shift. The Guardian highlighted studies showing that many people in their 60s and beyond continue to enjoy fulfilling sexual lives, often with more intimacy and exploration than ever before. Another Guardian article discussed the rise in women exploring sexual fantasy in midlife. Meanwhile, The Times shared stories of women navigating dating apps and reclaiming sexual agency in midlife.

These examples mirror what my mum observes and actively defies. She says: “We need to see women with wrinkles, with softness, with history, not just exceptional cases. We need all of us to be visible.”

What I Learned

Interviewing my mum made me realise how much I have unconsciously tied my own sense of worth to being seen and desired. Her honesty was a reminder: visibility is not just about how others perceive us. It is also about how we choose to live, love, and claim space for our desires.

Because the truth is simple: women do not stop wanting, longing, or craving connection after 40, 50, or 60. Desire does not expire.

Experiences for Older Women

At Sensuali, we believe that midlife is not an ending but an opening. We curate experiences that celebrate women at every stage of life, especially those who have been told they are invisible.

• Sensual Massage and Touch Therapy – Feel your body cherished and seen in a safe, affirming space.

• Erotic Photography – Step into the spotlight and capture your sensuality as it is now.

• Workshops and Retreats – Explore intimacy, body confidence, or tantra in supportive, inclusive settings.

• Sensual Movement – From burlesque to striptease, sensual movement can be a joyful way to reclaim sensual power.

Read: 12 Sensual Touch Practitioners Who’ll Help You Feel Everything Again

Read: 4 Sensual Retreats to Explore What You Truly Crave

Iso

Author

Iso is a writer and filmmaker based in East London. She is passionate about all things erotic and leads a sexy, shame-free life in hope that she can inspire others to do the same. Originally from a Northern seaside town, she is naturally drawn to the best things in life: candyfloss, trashy karaoke bars and heart-shaped sunglasses.