The rise of the throuple is no joke. They’re so popular these days that they’ve well and truly entered the meme-iverse. But many people still struggle to see the appeal, especially since so many of the couples ‘looking for a third’ get a bad rep. But before we get into that, let’s deep dive into why the throuple trend has recently exploded and figure out how to have some throuple thrills.
First things first, for those who don’t know :
What exactly is a throuple?
Well, a throuple refers to a consensual relationship involving three individuals who love and commit to each other romantically, emotionally, and/or sexually.
A throuple can achieve the intimate closeness of a two dynamic, whilst still bringing the excitement of a group dynamic.
The beginning of the throuple
Whilst throuples got big during the sexual revolution of the 60s and 70s where it was all about free luuurv, ménages à trois are common throughout history. For example, ancient Greek culture acknowledged the existence of relationships involving three individuals, known as triads or trios. These relationships were often celebrated in mythology, with notable examples like the love between Zeus, Hera, and Ganymede.
Throuples have carried on their legacy through history and many notable figures have known to explore them, including many royals. Now in 2023, they’re bigger than ever, with sex-positive dating apps like Feeld (once called Thrinder) normalising the concept.
The power of a throuple
What is so good about the dynamic of the three? Do people seek out couples simply because they’re bored in their relationship and it provides an excuse to sleep with somebody else, or can the throuple truly bring something different to the table? Personally, I think it can.
A three is a unique dynamic in any type of context, sexual or not. A trio can achieve the intimate closeness of a two dynamic, whilst still bringing the excitement of a group dynamic. Once things become a four, it can easily split into two groups of two, but a three dynamic has to be inclusive of all three people together, in order for it to be successful.
In a trio, there can be more truth than in a couple- whilst a couple can get lost in their dynamic and can easily spiral or become co-dependent, in a trio there is always a voice of reason, meaning that when the dynamic is right, it can be a very healthy experience.
There is also undoubtedly more variety than in a couple. A trio can create a rich tapestry of not only love and sex, but also conversation and point of view.
The changing dynamics keep things interesting, whilst at one point two people might feel closer, at another point, a different two people might feel closer, and in some special moments, the three of you feel so perfectly connected that it’s a more beautiful and rare harmony than in a couple.
When three’s a crowd
The two I words: insecurity and imbalance.
Insecurity
A trio is never going to work if one person feels insecure in the dynamic. This is often the case in couples ‘looking for a third’ which is where the bad rep comes in.
A common case is one partner who feels slightly bored in the relationship and wants to sleep with somebody else, whilst the other partner goes along with the idea because they want to seem easy-going, even though deep down they feel insecure and uncomfortable.
People often want to try throupling just to play at being open-minded and quasi-cool when they’re actually not emotionally ready.
This is where things get messy, because eventually the bottled up emotions burst.
Imbalance
Another recipe for disaster is when the power dynamics get stuck in a trio. When two people are clearly closer and the other person feels left out.
This can happen when a unicorn enters a couple, and the couple don’t succeed in making them feel welcome, or alternatively when a unicorn enters and connects better with one person more than the other.
How to throuple right
The reality of the throuple is that it can be a difficult dynamic to get right, but once you do, you’ve hit gold. For a throuple to work, the power dynamics have to be in constant rotation, and this happens when everybody feels secure and confident in themselves and the relationship.
Many throuples today don’t work out because of a lack of experience.
If you’re a secure couple who are both genuinely interested in a throuple, you’re going to want to find a unicorn who is confident and experienced in this field, otherwise it might get messy.
As a couple who has never tried anything like this before, you might want to start with a one night deal. A sensualist experience with a pro means that they will know how to handle the situation maturely and gives a lot less leeway for things to go sideways.
A couple who have had experiences with threesomes before and are now looking for a more long-term throuple, might want to consider a sugar baby type situation. This works well with a confident couple who are looking to bring a charming somebody into their lifestyle and under their wing to nurture and pamper.
Alternatively, you might be single and want to start a throuple from scratch with two other singles. This is like a clean slate situation and can be exciting to see what dynamics develop. Exploring this with two sensual pros is again a great way to have a smooth experience where you’re in the safe hands of two sexperts.
In this day and age, it would quite frankly be rude not to try out the throuple vibe. And don’t be put off if the dynamic isn’t right the first time. You have to move to find your groove.
Iso
Iso is a writer and filmmaker based in East London. She is passionate about all things erotic and leads a sexy, shame-free life in hope that she can inspire others to do the same. Originally from a Northern seaside town, she is naturally drawn to the best things in life: candyfloss, trashy karaoke bars and heart-shaped sunglasses.
