When I look back on my sugar baby days, I realise how much time I wasted for nothing. I was a little lost when I first decided to do it- I wanted to experiment and needed extra cash. I didn’t really think it through properly, and fell into a cycle of meeting people I didn’t like that much, letting them do whatever they wanted, and not getting much in return. Now that I’m better integrated into the sugar community, I can see many people who did it a lot more efficiently than I. There are a few ways to cut the bull and get what you want from sugaring. The first step is to know what you want.
Set Your Intentions with Yourself
Because sugar dating is sort of a strange mix between sex work and dating, people have many different reasons for doing it. Often, people go into it not really knowing what they want- maybe they just like older men, or they could do with some extra money; maybe they want an exciting and fleeting experience or they actually want a long-term relationship with a wealthy man who can support them through life. Whatever it is, before you even fill out a profile, write down on paper what you want to get out of this experience.
Fill Out Your Profile Properly
Back in my sugar dating days, I thought it would be really alluring and mysterious to write as little as possible on my profile. In reality, it made people think I wasn’t serious and didn’t know what I wanted and also made the whole process a lot more lengthy. Telling everyone about yourself on your profile saves a lot of messaging back and forth to each individual person. Spend time writing out your profile, and don’t be afraid to express the intentions that you expressed to yourself. The more transparent you are, the better. There’s no shame in saying that you want something casual, nor in saying that the money side of things is important to you- it’s going to filter out anyone who wouldn’t be a good fit for your needs.
Quality over Quantity
Messaging a load of people isn’t going to make the process any faster or efficient. Take time to really read each profile and only choose to message the people you’re really intrigued by. Go through the messages people send you and get rid of the ones you’re not interested in- it’s all too easy for messages from people you’re interested in to get lost in the people you’re not into.
Video Call Before Meeting
As great as messaging is, there’s nothing quite as character-revealing as the sound of someone’s voice. Asking for a quick facetime beforehand is going to save you so much time. It’s not about finding out anything in particular about each other or talking for hours, it can be two minutes long; it’s just seeing someone’s vibe and whether it clicks with yours. It’s also a great indicator of someone being a bit sketch- if they refuse to do it, it might be better not to meet up at all.
Be Upfront and Truthful
There’s no need to play games or be shy. Go into detail now about exactly what you’re looking for. If you don’t have time, or can’t be bothered to message back and forth, say this- most people will appreciate you addressing it. Daddies might claim they don’t like when a girl is too quick to discuss money. There’s nothing bad about doing this though. The daddies only don’t like it because they feel hurt and worried that their money is more important than they are. Be open, explain why it’s important to you, and that the earlier you address it, the more time you save.
Reevaluate Your Intentions
Once you’re going on dates and find someone(s) that you click with, go over your intentions again. Have they changed or are they the same? Are your needs being met? People can be pushy in sugar-world; it might be dating, but there’s still a transactional element, and when people can take advantage, they often will. It’s easy to get caught in a cycle of meeting people without much thought, letting your boundaries slip and forgetting why you got into all of this in the first place. And remember, just because you’re being clear with yourself, it doesn’t mean it can’t be fun.
Iso
Iso is a writer and filmmaker based in East London. She is passionate about all things erotic and leads a sexy, shame-free life in hope that she can inspire others to do the same. Originally from a Northern seaside town, she is naturally drawn to the best things in life: candyfloss, trashy karaoke bars and heart-shaped sunglasses.
