People often come into coaching thinking they’re bringing something unusual, awkward, or “wrong.” Clients usually sit with something they feel makes them broken, or that they think might never get easier.
They’ll say things like, “I don’t know if this is normal,” or “I’ve never really said this out loud before.” And there’s often a sense of relief in finally naming it and finally feeling like someone feels safe enough, skilled enough, and compassionate enough to understand.
Believe it or not, the conversations are, more often than not, familiar from the last. Not because people are predictable, but because so many of us are carrying the same questions, doubts, and worries about our bodies, our desires, and our relationships. We’re navigating intimacy in a world that hasn’t really taught us how to understand it, talk about it without shame and most importantly, never given us the tools.
To normalise what you are going through right now, here are the three most common things I see in my coaching space.
1. “I just don’t feel like I want sex anymore” (Low libido)
Low libido is by far one of the most common reasons people seek support. And rarely does it sound like “I never want sex”, but more often it sounds like:
- “I used to want it more… what changed?”
- “My partner wants it more than I do, and I feel guilty.”
- “I want to want sex, but my body just doesn’t seem to respond.”
Any of these sound familiar?
What many people don’t realise is that libido isn’t a fixed thing that you either have or lose. It’s contextual, relational, and deeply affected by stress, pain, hormones, mental load, body image, trauma, and, well, just life.
When desire disappears or feels like it’s just suddenly vanished with no explanation. Trust me, there is an explanation. Your body is asking for safety, rest, curiosity, or support that we were never taught how to explore. Our desire, wanting to want sex, is there, but maybe certain circumstances are getting in the way for you to access it.
When desire goes quiet, it’s usually your body communicating, just not in a language we were ever taught to understand.
2. “I feel embarrassed about what I like” (Shame around desire)
This one appears in many different forms. People will circle around it, minimise it, laugh nervously, or say “I don’t know why I’m like this…”
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Shame around desire shows up as:
- Feeling “too much” or “too weird”
- Judging yourself for fantasies or turn-ons
- Enjoying something privately but feeling unable to share it
- Comparing your desires to what you think you should want
From early on, we all absorb messages about what’s acceptable, attractive, respectable, or “normal.” So when desire doesn’t fit neatly into those boxes, it can feel isolating or wrong. It’s important to remember that we all grow up in different cultures, religions, and corners of the world, which in turn shape our views about sex, intimacy and relationships.
So when we start to form our own ideas and begin to experiment with what feels good for us, it can make our feelings feel confusing, conflicting, or even shameful. Some of us might feel curious or excited, while others feel hesitant, guilty, or afraid of being judged.
That conflict with yourself doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you; it usually means you’re navigating the space between what you were taught and what your body is trying to tell you now.
3. “I feel disconnected from my body… and from my relationships”
I end on this one because for me, this is why I do this work. This theme is quieter, but it affects us all at some point in our lives. It shows up most because we live in a world now where everything moves at a million miles an hour, and we are all trying to keep up and fit in rather than focus on what feels good.
People often describe the disconnect as:
- Feeling numb or “in their head”
- Going through intimacy on autopilot
- Not knowing what feels good anymore
- Feeling present for everyone else but absent from themselves
When we live in pain, pressure, people-pleasing, or survival mode, the body learns to step back and protect itself. However, over time, that can affect pleasure, intimacy, and emotional closeness, not because you don’t care, but because your nervous system is tired and addressing it feels foreign.
When you learn to ignore the signals, push them down and think ‘I’ll address this later’, you learn to stop prioritising yourself. It might be out of fear, worry about what might come up, or even a feeling of being lost about where to begin.
But the good news is, you don’t need fixing. What you actually need is space, understanding, and the chance to reconnect. That is where working with a coach or therapist can be genuinely transformative work.
The thread that connects
If this article felt familiar, that’s not a coincidence. It means you’re not alone. Our stories may look different, but the human experiences underneath them are often the same.
April Maria
April Maria is a qualified sex educator, sex and relationships coach and training psychosexual and relationships therapist. For the last four years, April has been working in the field of sex education, sex tech and pleasure, endometriosis awareness and helping others when it comes to sexual wellness, intimacy, dating and relationships.
