Sensual services are often misunderstood. From sex work and BDSM to massage and intimacy coaching, this work is still shrouded in mystery and the majority of society doesn’t really understand the reality of these different forms of sensual professions.
But speak to the people who do this work, and you’ll hear a very different story. One thing I have learnt from interviewing a variety of sexual professionals on Sensuali, is the common thread that their sessions are not just sexual but deeply emotional, transformative and therapeutic. Though this can look different for men and women.
Men need emotional liberation
For many men, sensual services become one of the only spaces where they feel able to be emotionally vulnerable.
Our culture teaches men to suppress their feelings, avoid softness, and equate intimacy with weakness. In this context, it’s no surprise that the structure of a paid encounter (clear boundaries, no social risk, emotional safety) becomes a vessel for closeness.
Many men are using sex to reach for something deeper: connection, care, or even catharsis. Workers across different modalities often say that the most meaningful part of their job is witnessing a client finally let go, cry, soften, or shift into a new state of being. Sometimes it’s the first time in years a man has been able to express his feelings in front of someone else.
Here are some quotes from providers I have interviewed, who mainly work with male clients:
‘I love it when I see my sub starting to trust me and let go completely, and I watch the shame dissolve.I love seeing how the pressure of life melts away inside our space, and the sub gives up on trying to hold onto a faulty picture of masculinity.’ Dominatrix, Mistress Beate.
‘I can bring down any alpha to his knees because he trusts me enough to switch off and finally let go for once in his life.’ Dominatrix, Mistress Joyen
‘A lot of men are in pain because not many men are able to come into their hearts and just actually feel, so when they go through stress or traumatic experiences, they close down their emotions…so my mission is also to make men more present with their heart space’ Tantric bodyworker, The Tantric Woman.
‘My favorite thing is sharing a profound yet secret bond with my submissives. I love to watch people give in, lose themselves and change. I get to initiate degrees of ego death.’ Dominatrix, Mistress Rozz.
‘Every time someone is truly vulnerable and trusts you, the connection is something that words can merely shine light on.’ Dominatrix, Mae Ling.
And that’s just a handful of the many times providers have spoken about this in interviews.
Women need sexual liberation
Women are much more comfortable with emotional vulnerability, and on the whole have more emotional support systems around them than men.
For women, it’s not emotional permission they’re lacking – it’s sexual permission.
Are you a sensual
professional?Join hundreds of BDSM practitioners, content creators, erotic writers, artists, coaches, masseurs, muses and more on Sensuali
While things are changing, there’s still a lot of cultural shame around women exploring or paying for their pleasure. Girls are taught early on to feel ashamed of their bodies, judged if they enjoy sex, and equally judged if they don’t.
By adulthood, many women are deeply disconnected from what they want, or even how their own pleasure works. They might find it hard to stay present during sex, feel self-conscious in their bodies, or have never been given the space to explore their sexuality free from performance or pressure.
Sensual services like erotic massage, coaching, kink play and touch therapy can offer women a route back to their bodies: a place to find relaxation during intimacy, to feel, discover and ask for what they want without shame.
Here are some quotes from providers I have interviewed, who work with female clients:
‘The biggest benefit of regular Shibari exploration to me is nervous system regulation. 90% of my clients have reported back how it feels like a deep state of relaxation, especially women.’ Miss Moon, Shibari artist.
‘There’s normally different symptoms between my clients but the cause is usually very similar. The common theme is feelings of shame. But the symptoms can be struggling with orgasms, struggling with meeting other people, struggling with their partners or themselves, issues around communication.’ The Queer Sensualist, Sensual intimacy coach.
‘Women seek my services for plenty of different reasons. Some simply just want to have pleasure full-stop, but some haven’t been touched for years or decades, some have never been given an orgasm, some have never even made themselves orgasm and some have had only either clitoral or penetrative orgasms. Others have just come out of a long relationship and don’t have the confidence to go out and date, but they still have the basic human desire to feel pleasure.’ Rubens Abreu, Sensual massage therapist.
‘The retreat [for women] I run is radical, amazing and highly transformational. We gather for 2 days, we are all naked which immediately helps to dissolve our projections of others as well of our own body shame.’ Simone Farschi, Somatic sex and intimacy coach.
It goes deeper than desire
So while the needs might look different, the power of these services is the same: liberation. Emotional liberation for men. Sexual liberation for women. And behind the need for sexual interaction, we find a deeper need- the need to free ourselves from the limits society has placed on us and to consequently experience profound levels of connection.
I want to share this quote from an interview with holistic sex coach, Amanda Santos:
‘More and more I see how the masculine, male-gazey sex world is losing its appeal, as people evolve and naturally seek more spiritual sexual experiences.’
The patriarchal system – which has stolen the capacity to be emotionally vulnerable from men and the capacity to experience sexual pleasure from women – is slowly breaking down. If we continue, we open the door to a healthier, more honest culture around sex and connection.
Join Sensuali to discover a wide range of sensual services.
Read: Embracing Slow Pleasure Practices in 2025
Iso
Iso is a writer and filmmaker based in East London. She is passionate about all things erotic and leads a sexy, shame-free life in hope that she can inspire others to do the same. Originally from a Northern seaside town, she is naturally drawn to the best things in life: candyfloss, trashy karaoke bars and heart-shaped sunglasses.
