In many ways, being a sex worker means putting on a persona to make yourself as attractive as possible to your clientele. The personality is part of what you are selling. This means that sex workers often have to hold back certain angers or annoyances during their interactions. As much as clients think they want authenticity, the reality is that they tend to want an illusion of authenticity. If sex workers were truly be honest all the time about how they felt, you might not be so chuffed or willing to see them again. So here, I act as a vessel to voice all of the things sex workers wish they could say to their clients.
Shop within your means
It’s perfectly okay to be a client on a budget. It’s not about shaming clients for being stingy, because most of us in life have to watch what we spend. But pestering high end workers for discounts is not the way to go. I would love to buy a Louis V. handbag but I don’t start haggling the salesperson for a better brice. Plus, there’s nothing wrong with going for a higher volume sex worker. The idea that a high-end sex worker is in any way ‘better quality’ is just a classist myth. Shop within your means and save everyone time and hassle.
If you have no intention for paying for sex at all, please don’t use adult service sites. Sex workers have absolutely no intention of giving away their services for free, no matter how good you clam to be as eating pussy. Tinder exists for a reason!
No messed up requests
Golden showers, brown showers, hell, even rainbow showers are pretty well known now, even to the normies. And there’s no harm in requesting stuff like this. Sex workers aren’t here to kink-shame. However asking someone to come round and sit on a baby rabbit until it finally is crushed and dies is not a fetish, that is animal abuse sir. (Yes this actually was requested to a sex worker I know). Most sex workers are cool with any requests that aren’t going to be harmful to another living being. But animals and children are pretty much off limit to most. It’s quite insulting to ask a sex worker to do this, as it goes way beyond anything sexual and takes the assumption that a sex worker would partake in anything at all for money. If you really are having these desires, the most productive idea would be to go and speak to someone about it to try to and better understand yourself.
FSSW doesn’t mean unlimited sex
You book an full service sex worker for their time. That doesn’t give you permission to use all of that time fucking them over and over. Especially when it interrupts sleep. There is a special place in hell for clients who wake sex workers up at the crack of dawn for sex or try to cram numerous rounds into a short session. In circumstances like these, sex workers are well within their rights to refuse sex. The job of an sex worker is about way more than just sex, and treating someone like a human fuck doll means you’re not very likely to see them again.
Read the ad!
The amount of times I’ve seen sex workers complaining on my Twitter feed about clients not reading their ad. Before messaging asking for the price or availability, read their ad thoroughly. It’s very likely that it details this information on there. One of the most gruelling parts of a sex worker’s job is time management, so if you want to be increase your chances of meeting one, try not to waste their time and check out their ad!
Less lectures on appearance
Politely messaging somebody before meeting them and asking if they would mind dressing a certain way is one thing, but commenting on someone’s appearance during a session: ‘if you just took all that make up off and went natural you’d get so much more attention.’ is entirely different. It’s a major backhanded compliment, as what you are really doing is saying you don’t like the way that they have presented themselves in that moment. It’s also making an assumption that other clients would prefer sex workers to look the way you prefer also.
A sex worker’s appearance is quite literally a major selling factor for them, so saying something like this is going to immediately make them feel crappy and insecure about themselves and their service. They might retract into themselves, and the time you spend with them will be a worse experience not just for them, but for you too. As the age-old phrase goes, sometimes, if you have nothing nice to say, it’s better to not say anything at all.
‘You’re better than this’
‘You can’t do this forever babe’. Every sex worker has heard these lines at least once, from one of their clients. The truth is that if someone wants to, they can do it forever. There’s a huge market for mature sex workers out there. Additionally, it’s not your decision. Sex workers aren’t commenting on you paying for sex, so please don’t comment on sex workers for being paid for sex. If you truly think that they are ‘better than this’ or that the industry isn’t healthy, why do you support it? If you believe it’s so bad, perhaps you should stop buying into it.
Don’t be rough without consent
I get why when you’re hooking up with a long term partner or a trusted friend, it’s no biggie to be a bit rough, do a bit of the ole pinning down and choking, but as you might imagine, being non-consensually choked by a total stranger is pretty terrifying, especially as this industry can attract people who want to genuinely harm women. Please just be extra careful to ask if you can be rough rather than just going for it in the way you might be used to doing.
Iso
Iso is a writer and filmmaker based in East London. She is passionate about all things erotic and leads a sexy, shame-free life in hope that she can inspire others to do the same. Originally from a Northern seaside town, she is naturally drawn to the best things in life: candyfloss, trashy karaoke bars and heart-shaped sunglasses.
