Yoni massage is gaining visibility in Western culture, yet much of what it truly involves remains misunderstood. Many people are curious about the experience, its benefits, and what actually takes place during a session.
In this piece, I sat down with a friend to talk openly about their experience with yoni massage. We discuss what the practice involves, the different approaches and schools that exist, and why consent plays such a central role.
First, what is yoni massage?
Yoni massage is a form of intimate massage that focuses on the vulva and can involve both external and internal touch. It is slow and attentive, with the aim of massaging the tissue rather than trying to create a specific sexual response.
At its core, yoni massage is about appreciation and understanding of this part of the body. For many women, it can help them connect more deeply with their own pleasure, especially when touch is slower, more present, and free from expectation.
For men, learning yoni massage can offer a much deeper understanding of the vulva, how sensitive and complex it is, and how to touch it with care and awareness. This is particularly powerful given how little education most people receive about this part of the body.
Rather than rushing towards arousal or orgasm, yoni massage encourages patience, curiosity, and respect. Over time, this kind of touch can help rebuild connection, trust, and pleasure after years of neglect, misunderstanding, or purely goal-focused sexual habits.
What prompted you to learn yoni massage?
I wanted to feel more connected to my own sexuality, and I thought that learning yoni massage would help me become a better lover. At the time, I believed that improving my skills was the main way to show up for someone else.
Through learning and practising yoni massage, I realised that this focus on giving was partly a way of avoiding my own discomfort with receiving. I was more comfortable being the one in control than allowing myself to fully relax and be open.
Meeting others through yoni massage training also showed me that many people were drawn to it for similar reasons. They weren’t just looking for sex, but for confidence, self-awareness, and a deeper sense of connection. It made me realise that, while connecting with others is important, real intimacy also requires turning inward and understanding yourself.
Tell me more about the different types of yoni massage schools
There are lots of different schools across many cultures. There’s Buddhist yoni massage, tantric yoni massage, Hindu yoni massage, and then there are schools that borrow from different traditions and create their own style.
I went to the Institute of OM. OM stands for orgasmic meditation, and it’s a practice that combines mindfulness, touch, and pleasure.
Walk me through a typical yoni massage
First, you build a nest, which is a comfortable place for the partner who is receiving the massage, also known as the strokey. There’s the stroker, who gives the massage, and the strokey, who receives it.
The strokey removes their trousers and underwear. The way it’s taught, they’re supposed to leave their top on. The reason is that yoni massage can be given in a more clinical setting, where the two participants are not sexually intimate. Of course, in the context of a sexual relationship, the strokey is welcome to take their top off if they want.
The strokey lies in the nest, which consists of a blanket, a towel under the buttocks, a pillow behind the head, and two side pillows to support each thigh. They then spread their legs open and the stroker straddles them. The stroker wears gloves so there’s no pain or overt friction, and there’s a special lubricant used to optimise the experience.
The stroker then asks for consent and announces anything they plan to do. For example, they might say, “I’m going to put my hand on your thigh, is that okay?” or, “May I touch your clitoris?”
Once consent is given, the stroker, with the utmost attention and as slowly as possible, runs their finger down the left upper quadrant of the clitoris.
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For the first fifteen minutes, it’s all about being as sensitive and as refined as possible with your touch. The stroker sets a timer so they know when the time is up. When the 15 minutes ends, the stroker switches to an upward stroke for three to five minutes. I can’t remember the exact timing. It’s great because it’s one of those for-life programmes, where you can take a refresher course free of charge whenever you want.
The last five minutes follow a strict protocol where a towel is used to cradle the vagina with firm pressure. This is meant to close the circle of energy. Then you wipe upwards to remove any moisture.
Once the physical massage is over, you invite comments and share what you noticed during the experience, within yourself and within the other person.
Thoughts, emotions, anything that came up. It’s an invitation for intimacy and disclosure. I like to describe the colour and shape of the vagina.
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Do you feel like yoni massage has made you more appreciative of the yoni?
Oh, absolutely. I’ve always loved the yoni. It’s one of the most beautiful of God’s creations. The shape, the size, the texture, the flavour, everything about it is incredible. It’s the giver of life and pleasure. I’ve always been fascinated by it and had the deepest respect for it. That’s probably what drew me to yoni massage in the first place.
Did taking a class boost your confidence in the bedroom?
To a degree, but I don’t feel like I got enough practice. There’s a Facebook group where OM students can connect. The stroker can reach out to someone they want to stroke, and the potential strokey can say yes or no. But it feels a bit strange and disconnected because there’s no real-life connection beforehand.
I’ve been to play parties where they host a platonic meet-and-greet before the main event. This allows people to see who they have chemistry with in a no-pressure way before committing to any kind of sexual encounter. I wish the yoni massage community took this approach.
I also think that when I first learned about yoni massage, I wasn’t fully ready to implement it properly. Now, I feel that if I were to find someone who’s interested, it could really expand into something deeper. Especially since I’ve started getting more into mindfulness and tantric breathing. I think it could take my sex life to another level.
I haven’t been to one yet, but I’ve heard about yoni massage parties where there’s a circle of nests for strokeys to lie down and receive. I’d love to manifest a fuck buddy who’s up for exploring things like that with me.
Have you given yoni massage to lovers, and how did it go?
It’s not like I’ve given yoni massages to loads of people, but every person I’ve given one to has really enjoyed the experience. That kind of intimacy creates a bond and builds trust between partners. It’s a lovely feeling.
What advice would you give to someone wanting to improve their yoni-worshipping skills?
I’m reading a book right now that’s absolutely fantastic. It’s called The Art of Giving and Receiving. Anyone looking to enhance their sex life should read it.
It’s all about consent, and it explores how, in heteronormative dynamics, there’s often an unspoken belief that if you do something for someone, they should do something back.
Sometimes people allow something because they think they’re doing it for the other person, while the doer believes they’re giving pleasure to the receiver. It becomes unclear who’s giving and who’s receiving, which can lead to resentment and misunderstanding.
Closing thoughts?
Eat more pussy. Give more yoni massages.
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Jules
Based in Brooklyn, Jules has dedicated her twenties towards harnessing her pussy power, exploring the muse, whore, and wild woman archetypes along the way. When not blogging, you can find her sweating the toxins out in a hot yoga class or sipping a matcha latte at a pretentious coffee shop, whilst she scribbles away in her journal.
