Once upon a time, when I was young and dumb, I thought I could be the ultimate fantasy girlfriend by accompanying my boyfriend at the time to a strip club. I suggested it, he of course jumped at the chance, and before we knew it we were being ID’d by the bouncers at Newcastle’s ‘For Your Eyes Only’ after a wild night out in the toon.
Men, if any girlfriend has done this with you before, please know that although she was likely genuinely intrigued by the idea of a strip club venture, she was mainly motivated by an aim to seem like the ‘cool girl’ girlfriend, unbothered by her boyfriend’s attraction to other women, and even herself attracted to these women. It’s all ultimately to please you.
When I look back at my behaviour, I am cringing at myself big time. But at the time, as I swanned around the strip club, flirting with some of the guys in there (we had a fairly open relationship), and looking at and talking to the dancers as if I was really into them (whilst I am bisexual, I wasn’t actually attracted to any of the girls there), I didn’t think I was disrespecting myself and I definitely didn’t think that I was causing any harm to anyone else. How wrong I was. Would you walk into a bakery with zero intention of buying any of the goods, spend a long time in there chatting away to the staff and the customers, taking the customers attention away from buying anything also, and then leaving? You probably wouldn’t, because it would be pretty disrespectful. Here’s how to be a good female customer at a strip club.
Pay!
First and foremost. Tip the dancers at the very least. Better, pay for a dance. If you don’t want to because you’re not into that, ask yourself why you’re there. It might be a night of funsies for you, but for the dancers their paycheck can be incredibly volatile, and if you’re not willing to pay, you’re take a place of a customer who would be willing to pay.
More importantly, if you’re there with a boyfriend, sugar daddy or client, encourage him to pay! He likely wants to show off in front of you anyways and won’t want to look like he can’t afford to pay much in front of you, so the least you can do in your position of gf privilege is suggest he splash out.
Avoid stealing the custom
Do you realise how annoying you are if you come into a strip club and play the girl wild enough to come to a strip club but not whoreish enough to actually be a stripper? And to boot, you then start chatting to the customers and doing your own little version of a lap dance for funsies or you start making out with them. When you do that, you’re giving away what the dancers are charging for, (and more) for free. It’s not that you can’t flirt with the customers, it’s not like the dancers are possessive about it, but just like the rest of us, they need their dough! So use your sexy skills to encourage them to tip, or pay for a dance for two.
Don’t ‘other’ the dancers
I’ve seen lots of frustration from dancers of girls asking them to ‘give them a twirl’ and the like. Before entering a strip club, remember that the dancers are literally human beings doing their job. Being a performative bi-girl to try and impress your boyf and pretty much using the dancers as a tool isn’t the most respectful. It would be much more welcomed for you to just be real, chat for a bit and decide pretty quickly if you’re into it, rather than acting as though the dancers are some exotic object for the sake of your partner’s approval.
Only go if you’re ready to go
What’s worse than a performative bi-girlfriend customer is a jealous girlfriend customer. If you’re not prepared to see your boyf ogling other women, for the love of God, just don’t go. Dancer friends have told me stories about jealous girlfriends physically standing between themselves and their crusty ass boyfriends and causing a scene (usually drunk). Before you go, you have to be mentally ready and be going for the right reasons. I made a mistake going only to gain my boyfriend’s approval. This is a short-lived goal that is never going to work out in the long run anyway. It’s a lose-lose.
A good female strip club customer looks like someone willing to pay, someone respectful and genuine, someone in control (not too drunk or emotionally unprepared) and someone on the ‘side’ of the dancers.
Related reading: male vs female masturbation, 5 films about female desire, A rendezvous with Genevieve Lejeune, founder of Skirt Club. and femdom and female power through history.
