Here are some skills you can learn to Become your own Dream Lover!

Because YES, pleasure isn’t just a feeling. It’s a practice and you can train to be fabulous in bed!

Have you ever wished you could go to sex & intimacy school?

I have. And not the kind where you just talk about feelings and stare at yonis carved in wood (although there’s room for that too). I mean real, hands-on learning. How to touch. How to tease. How to tie. How to give and receive pleasure like it’s a sacred art. Because let’s be honest we’re born with a natural sensual intelligence… but most of us never get the chance to truly develop it.

Sex is one of life’s greatest pleasures, yet very few people actually invest in learning how to become better lovers. Why is that? We take cooking classes, skiing lessons, yoga teacher trainings but when it comes to sex, we often rely on instinct and hope.

One thing that shifted my perspective was listening to Sensuali’s very first podcast episode, where Eva D. was asked, “What turns you on?” She replied that she had trained to be her own dream lover and that she could turn herself on with anything she creates. That answer hit me. Hard. It made me realize how often I expected others to be my dream lovers… when I hadn’t even become that for myself.

So I began to explore. To learn what I wanted to give and receive. To take ownership of my pleasure, not just in theory, but through real practices and skill-building. And now, I’d love to share some of the resources and spaces that have supported me so you too can become your own dream lover.

1/ Tantra Massage

Learning the language of touch

Tantra massage is a powerful way to deepen your connection to yourself and others. It teaches you to slow down, to listen through your hands, and to turn touch into a mindful, sensual dialogue. You’ll learn to create presence, build trust, and awaken the body with intention rather than performance.

Where to learn:
Journey Within (Berlin & Portugal)
I highly recommend their Level 1 & 2 workshops in Berlin: weekend immersions that are playful, deep, and skill-based. Or, for a sensual getaway, join their Tantra Massage Retreat in Portugal from Sept 17–21 near Lisbon.

Don’t have time for a retreat? You can also hire a professional from their team to teach you (and your partner) privately.

→ Find Journey Within on Sensuali for upcoming workshops and sessions.

2/ Shibari (Rope Bondage)

The art of surrender, trust, and sensual creativity

Shibari isn’t just about tying someone up, it’s about communicating through restraint. It builds trust, opens space for power exchange, and can create deeply emotional, even meditative, experiences. Plus, let’s be honest: it’s terribly sexy.

Where to learn:
Daruma Studio (Berlin)
Start with a beginner class and, if you’re hooked, dive into a 6-week course. You’ll leave knowing how to tie safe, beautiful floor ties and even experiment with basic suspensions.

Want to learn privately with a partner? A few knots and the right attitude can go a long way.
→ Find Shibari artists on Sensuali for private sessions.

HERE is my recommendation of Berlin-based riggers

Great courses & videos to learn Online: Shibari Academy

3/ BDSM Skills

From impact play to rituals of power and surrender

BDSM is more than whips and chains. It’s an entire universe of play, trust, communication, and deep erotic connection. Whether you’re exploring dominance, submission, sensation, or role-play, learning from professionals will keep you safe, confident, and inspired.

Where to learn:

🖤LUX Studio (Berlin)
They offer a wide range of workshops taught by professional doms & sex-workers. (My favorites: BDSM Basics with Ron Hades & Pressure Points with Saga Moros!).
→ Both Ron and Saga are also on Sensuali for private experiences:

🌿 BDSM Retreats with Andy Buru (Europe-wide)
Andy brings 20 years of experience into ritualistic, heart-centered BDSM spaces. His retreats explore themes like Power, Shame, Desire, and Surrende through rope, touch, and deep group processes.
→ Book Andy on Sensuali

4/ Sexual Liberation 

Deep personal work meets sacred sexuality

If you’re ready to go deep: emotionally, spiritually, and sexually, ISTA might be for you. Their week-long retreats explore boundaries, shadow work, energetic connection, and sacred sexuality.

Note: ISTA is intense. I recommend it only if you already have a strong sense of your boundaries and haven’t experienced recent trauma.

5/ Learn Real Sex Skills 

Like sex ed for grown-ups: practical, playful, embodied

Looking for real, practical tools to level up your sex life? Kama is my go-to app for that. It offers guided, easy-to-follow videos on everything from self-pleasure to oral sex, sensual massage to mindful penetration. Whether you’re solo or partnered, you’ll learn how to bring more confidence, awareness, and pleasure into the bedroom (and beyond).

Read our exclusive interview with Chloe Macintosh, founder of Kama.

Becoming your own dream lover isn’t about perfection. It’s about curiosity. About showing up for your own pleasure and learning how to share it with others in more meaningful, joyful, and delicious ways. Whether you’re into ropes, tantra, kink, or conscious touch, there’s so many paths for you to explore!

And remember: sensuality is a skill. You’re allowed to learn it. To play with it. To become wildly, wonderfully good at it.

Start your pleasure journey on Sensuali today with thousands of bookable experiences.

Pauline Marie-Antoinette

Author

Pauline is a poetry writer, performer, experience creator, and intimacy and kinks workshop facilitator. She believes in the power of arts and creativity to be profound vehicles for change and loves to empower people to free their inner artist and turn sensuality into a real art form. Her solo-show, "An Erotic Poetry Odyssey" is an invitation to deepen intimacy, explore conscious kinks while challenging societal taboos. Pauline designs experiences for couples, retreats and workshops in Berlin and around the world!