In conversation with the queen of kink: Dominatrix Eva Oh

Eva Oh is a celebrated pioneer of modern day domming to put it mildly.  She has had her teeth sunk firmly into the world of kink for 13 years and counting, and has a Sexual Freedom Award to show for it. She has also been the face of the German Fetish Ball and has participated in panels at the Berlin Porn Film Festival, PinkFest Singapore, and Burning Man USA. On top of that, she created the world’s first submissive training platform, youwillpleaseme.com. Oh- and this is just the half of it.  Meet Dominatrix, Eva Oh.

Tell us more about your mastery.

I have been a Dominatrix since 2011, a strategic consultant before that – and I also run a podcast called #teakink. My career has evolved from within the dungeon walls towards a more and more mainstream forum. I’ve got two TV shows, a memoir and an AI companion focused on mentorship in development. I’m about to launch a tea; and I do mentoring calls and training sessions for those interested in learning from my perspective.

How would you describe your approach to being a domme?

Like my username across a lot of platforms states, ‘you will please me”. It’s a tight phrase but there’s layers to it. I must derive pleasure from the experience in some way, and if the submissive and I are not inherently compatible, I will find my way to extract amusement from their being.

My approach lies primarily in the psychological possibilities of a person’s mind – for their surrender, for my pleasure.

What was your journey into this world?

An ex-partner once made a joke about my assertive communication style as a woman by using the term ‘Dominatrix’ on me. At the time I had no idea what that word entailed, but I remembered it when I was frustrated over a strategic consulting contract that I knew I wanted to end. I found a BDSM facility/dungeon who were looking for trainees, and after a lot of trial, error and evolution – here I am today.

We saw you recently opened up to new clients. What prompted this? 

I’ve recently moved to London from Asia and even though many of my close, reliable and dedicated clients live nearby in Switzerland and visit me, I am finally feeling settled into my new playspace and am hungry for fresh locally accessible minds…

What are your favourite domme services that you provide in sessions? 

The physicality of a session varies greatly depending on how a submissive reacts. But this said, I do have a soft spot for heavy leather, metal and sometimes rope bondage.

My sessions will always include an aspect of getting deeper into the inner workings of a mind, but again this can look very different depending on who is in front of me and where their head is at that day. It ranges from gentle and playful tease to outright degradation – it’s the result that I’m after.

Do your clients have anything in common? 

At this point, quite frankly the only commonality is that they can afford my tribute, and that I am amused and pleased enough with who they are to entertain their presence. The range of personalities is so very wide.

What makes a session special to you? 

Myself. It may sound strange, but I’ve been appreciating more and more what I am able to do and how I am able to work the rhythm of the space.

I appreciate that I have a willing mind and body in front of me, but at the moment I’m really feeling myself. I think it’s because I am playing with all of these new people and it’s very reassuring and entertaining to see how I can get what I want out of them.

What is a small and unexpected pleasure about being a domme? 

I didn’t realise the space that it would create for me. Financially, but also in terms of how it’s taught me to command physical and mental space in the day to day.

I have honed skills in the dungeon walls that have established themselves more and more in my every day. Skills to do with getting what I want and being unapologetic for my being.

Tell us something that you wish more people knew about BDSM.

That any prejudice that they experience is a result of their own sexual hangups, that societal strangleholds designed to keep them in their place are the reason, and that there is a way out.

How has your relationship with what you do evolved over time? 

Every day is a new opportunity to reassess and reframe how well anything is working for me in my life. I’ve been through a burnout year where I reacted with great stress to societal judgment. But for the most part I’ve incrementally gained a greater understanding of my abilities and responsible frameworks with how to use them – it’s been a lot of trial, error, heartache and triumph. I generally have a fun relationship to the ups and downs of life however, so I’ve enjoyed the ongoing discovery. I’m awed at what I’ve learned about myself and life, and I likely will continue to be.

How do you think the kink world changed societally? 

I think a lot of subcultures have more airtime these days thanks to social media and the availability of media in general. I’ve asked the TV producers who’ve come my way why they were so interested in me, as I had felt that I hadn’t seen much representation – and they all said that “niche” topics were the content they were looking for as that is what was doing well in the saturated market. A part of me thinks that people want to hear about subcultures, but another part of me realises that it’s for entertainment value and profit – so how do we mediate those points for the better?

Advice for newbie dommes? 

There are so many people interested in doing my job these days. I get the sense that it’s much more than when I first started in 2011.

 

I don’t want to entirely discourage people, but I’d like them to measure their enthusiasm with the reality that this is still a stigmatised job and that it is sure, a chance for play and power – but it is essentially a customer service role, with potentially intense client demands and relationships, and you’re running a small business. So if you’re ready to learn how to navigate those factors first, then you can consider spending time on the craft.

But if you’re approaching this from a purely lifestyle angle, then I would preface this by saying that there is no one way – but get in touch with some basic principles in BDSM culture of consent and negotiation. Do research on potential activities and identities. Observe or cautiously get involved with communities whether online or in person for knowledge gathering, sharing and accountability.

But take your time integrating it with your every day, because the enthusiasm and motivation levels will be strong at the beginning due to potentially having been shunned within you up until that point – and society will likely be giving you grief, so that’s an extra to navigate too; seeing examples of how others are handling it can be useful.

What are your hopes for the future with BDSM?

Likely similar for my hopes for all of society, enhanced communication, understanding of self and openness to each other.

Discover more about Dominatrix Eva Oh.

Read: The kinds of control: 5 common styles of femdom.

Listen: BDSM Bops: 15 songs for doms.

Iso

Author

Iso is a writer and filmmaker based in East London. She is passionate about all things erotic and leads a sexy, shame-free life in hope that she can inspire others to do the same. Originally from a Northern seaside town, she is naturally drawn to the best things in life: candyfloss, trashy karaoke bars and heart-shaped sunglasses.

Eva Oh

Author

Eva Oh, widely recognized by her professional moniker ‘Mistress Eva,’ has established herself as a notable figure in the realm of sexuality and BDSM. Her career boasts multiple achievements, including being honored with a Sexual Freedom Award and serving as the face of the German Fetish Ball. Among her pioneering contributions is the creation of the world’s first submissive training platform, youwillpleaseme.com; the #teakink series and the award winning Safeword Podcast.