How do I say what I want in bed?

This is a great question because often we think asking for what we want means upsetting the other person. When in fact, getting the sex we want requires using our words not just assumptions or the slight movement in our bodies. Yes, asking for what you want in bed can feel vulnerable, especially if you’ve never been shown how to have those conversations. The best way to normalise this is to start outside of the bedroom, when there’s no pressure or expectation of sex. Focus on what you enjoy and what you’d like to explore, rather than what your partner is doing “wrong.” Using “I” statements, such as “I’d love to try…” or “I feel more connected when…”, can help your partner hear your needs without feeling criticised. Remember, communication is a skill, not something you’re expected to naturally know. You could also send them a message hinting you’ve seen something you’d love to try with them if words feel to heavy.