What you'll know after reading this
- You are not broken; you need to listen to your body.
- When pain changes your relationship with your body
For many people living with Endometriosis, sex can become complicated, stressful, and sometimes avoided altogether.
One of the unfortunate realities of living with Endo is that pain has a way of changing how we see our bodies, and, in turn, how we experience intimacy and sex. It can make us withdraw from touch, disconnect from pleasure, and sometimes even feel betrayed by the body we live in.
Endometriosis can make it difficult to know how to navigate pleasure, intimacy, and how to talk about these experiences with a partner. Shame starts slipping in, and avoiding sex or pushing through becomes the norm.
Through my own personal experience of living with Endo, and in my work as a sex educator, I’ve seen how people can move from pushing through or avoiding to discovering what pleasure and intimacy can look like when you live with Endometriosis.
When pain changes your relationship with your body
Living with Endo isn’t just about experiencing pain. It comes with years of uncertainty, confusion and anger, which in turn has an impact on our mental, emotional and physical state. In short, it’s not just a bad period.
The worst part is that for many, it takes years to get a diagnosis, and when you go years not understanding why you are in pain, you start to live in survival mode. Your body constantly feels tense, you learn to disconnect and numb and eventually you shut down. At least that was my experience, and the same response I hear from others living with this condition.
Reconnecting with your body after a diagnosis and even surgery is no easy journey, and there is never a one-size-fits-all solution. So what happens? We are all left to figure it out.
I often tell women that it begins by rebuilding trust with your body, not forcing it into sexual experiences that feel overwhelming and performative, but gradually reintroducing safe, comfortable sensations that remind the nervous system that touch can and will feel good again.
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Supporting your body practically
As I already mentioned, there is no one-size-fits-all solution to healing while living with Endo, but what there is are tools that can make a meaningful difference. When it comes to intimacy and touch, it’s about finding your new normal. Sex might look different, feel different and even have a different meaning now. But pleasure is possible.
Start slow, start soft and find ways to explore pleasure on your terms. Remember, pleasure comes in many forms, not just penetration.
Here are a few things that are a must for exploring pleasure and reconnecting with your body when living with Endo.
- Always use a high-quality lubricant to reduce friction
- Introduce toys that focus on external stimulation rather than penetration and find what feels good
- Try different positions that allow more control over depth and movement, and don’t be afraid to use pillows.
- ALWAYS prioritise arousal, build up and relaxation before any form of penetration
- Take things slowly and allow your body time to respond
- Stopping doesn’t mean things have to end. Take a break, let your body relax and talk about what you need to continue.
Every body is different, and what works one day might not work another. Listening to those shifts is part of learning how to work with your body rather than against it.
Communicating with your partner
Endometriosis can put a strain on relationships, particularly when sex becomes unpredictable or painful. Not only are you aware that you are avoiding intimacy out of fear of pain, but your partner/s may also feel unsure about what is safe and ok.
Open communication becomes essential, and letting a partner know what your body is experiencing can help remove the guesswork and give you both an opportunity to explore what will work rather than what won’t. This might include discussing comfortable positions, taking breaks during intimacy, or agreeing that penetration isn’t always the goal.
One of the unspoken griefs that can come with chronic pain is the feeling that your sexual self has changed, even when you don’t want it to. You might not move the same way you used to. Your energy might fluctuate, and certain types of sex might not feel accessible right now.
But sexuality is not static. It evolves throughout our lives, and that’s ok.
You are not broken; you need to listen to your body.
If you’re navigating Endometriosis and struggling with intimacy, the most important thing to remember is this: Nothing about your experience or your body is broken.
Your body is responding to pain in a very human way, and reconnection isn’t about pushing through discomfort or forcing sex to look a certain way. It’s about rebuilding safety, trust, and curiosity in your body again, and that process takes time and honest conversations with yourself and your partner.
Nothing changes if nothing changes. And you deserve to experience pleasure and great sex again!
Sources & further reading.
- Endometriosis UK. Endometriosis, Sex, and Intimacy
- April Maria. Endometriosis & Painful Sex
