For many years, seeking the services of women who provide dominatrix services has been as much of a taboo as it has been popular. Clients can vary wildly, from a young city worker in search of pressure relief to an older retiree who has perhaps never lived out his fantasy until now.
There is truly no telling who likes to be dominated in their downtime, but the odds are that there’s probably at least one person you’re acquainted with who has seen or desires to see a dominatrix. To help us lift the lid on femdom culture, we spoke to Berlin-based domme, Miss Vera Violette.
Who are you?
My name is Vera Violette. I am a sensual dominatrix who likes to corrupt and torment submissive minds.
What first attracted you to the world of femdom?
My introduction to femdom was a little unusual as it happened back when I was a vanilla sex worker and some clients requested me to dominate them. I had no idea how to do that, but they guided me and took the time to explain to me the different things that turned them on. I found a lot of fun doing it and started exploring that side of myself in my personal and professional life.
What’s your favourite thing about femdom?
The relationships and dynamics that come out of femdom are so precious and unique. My favourite thing about them is the vulnerability that a submissive has to show to their domme. They’re stripped down naked not only physically but emotionally.
What is something you find hard about femdom?
Whilst most clients are great, some submissives do not see us as human beings but just as kink machines…which is always very disappointing.
Who is your typical client?
Most of my femdom clients are white men. However, I encounter clients from all ethnicities, genders, social classes, professions etc. And all ages, from uni students to grandads! The reason for their visit is usually because they are not getting certain needs met in their already existing relationships or they have always fantasised about being dominated and they feel in safe hands doing it with a professional.
How do you feel when you’re in femdom mode?
When I’m living out my femdom fantasy, the first emotion that comes to my head is excitement. It feels like a release of energy to me.
I think about the scene I’m creating and how I can slowly push and pull on certain triggers to create a reaction or interesting situation. I’m usually a step ahead and already thinking about what I’m going to do next!
How do you create a safe environment for femdom?
Before the play starts I go over the kinks we’re going to be exploring, the tools I might be using and I go over potential risks and what we might have been discussing prior. Some submissives do change their mind so it’s important to make sure they still consent.
I reassure them they can tell me if they want to stop at any time and take breaks if they need. For more hardcore scenes where they cannot speak or move, I give them an alternative solution to communicate with me, such as humming or tapping my leg twice. I also give them a safe word, but my domination style makes it so no one has ever had to use it with me.
How do you know when to stop a session and when to keep going?
That’s probably the biggest skill a domina has to grasp. It comes with practice and compassion. Watching the submissive’s body language is key, especially if you have never played with them before. Some people have stronger reactions than others. If I’m unsure about continuing, I simply ask something along the lines of ‘Does this little slut want more?’ If the answer is yes this is a great way to make them beg for it. The intensity in a scene can’t always keep reaching highs, a scene also needs to breathe or your submissive will be broken within 10 minutes.
What is your goal with your femdom sessions?
My goal is to have my submissive and I both leave the dungeon happy and satisfied with our time together. It’s that simple!
Describe your best and worst experiences with femdom?
Without going into details, there are a few sessions and relationships with submissives I’ve had that I will forever cherish in my heart. My worst experiences are probably with those who lacked respect towards me and had attitudes that were reaching of testosterone.
What advice would you give to people curious to explore femdom?
Approach femdom with curiosity, compassion, and fun. Don’t be afraid to be yourself and let some of your personality leak into your practice. Anyone can put on the same stereotypical domina character if they want to.
Discover more about Miss Vera Violette.
Kinkcurious? Read more on the history of femdom.
Read our interview with Mistress Sevvven, providing filthy femdom sessions in London.
Drew
Drew, aka Wise and Manly is a sexuality coach helping people to love themselves. As a bisexual man, he makes content about owning and embracing your sexuality as well as accepting your authentic self.
Miss Vera Violette
Miss Vera Violette is a sensual dominatrix based in Berlin. As an alternative model especially passionate about latex, she enjoys the stylistic element to kink almost as much as the action itself!
