How to try perineum massage for the first time, safely

You might be wondering what perineum massage involves and what its benefits are. But before getting into that, it’s worth understanding a little more about the perineum itself.

Of all the questions men bring to my practice, few are asked with quite as much hesitancy as this one: “What’s actually going on down there, and is it safe to touch?”

The perineum is the soft, sensitive strip of skin between the testicles and the anus. Slang dismisses it as a no-man’s land, and most men have never been told it matters. Yet in my 26 years as a bodyworker, and in my work as a somatic sexologist with men on arousal, erectile function and ejaculatory choice, I’ve come to see it as one of the most important places in a man’s body to get to know.

This article is about how to explore it for the first time: gently, safely and with your eyes open to the risks.

Why do men try perineum massage?

Men tend to arrive at this topic from one of four directions:

• Curiosity about a new kind of pleasure: “I’ve heard this feels amazing.”
• External prostate massage: as a gentler alternative to internal prostate massage.
• Ejaculatory control: this is usually associated with Taoist practice and semen retention: pressing in with two or three fingers to stop ejaculation.
• Releasing pelvic floor tension or discomfort: caused by long hours sitting at a desk, cycling, chronic clenching and stress.

There is another reason to connect with the perineum. As a somatic sexologist, I’d propose that it may be the most powerful one of all.

My friend, teacher and mentor Philip Shepherd, author of Radical Wholeness, speaks of the perineum as a powerhouse for embodiment, not just a point on a sling of muscles at the bottom of the body. The pelvic floor is, quite literally, a diaphragm. Like the respiratory diaphragm above it, it moves up and down with every breath, and the two work in synergy.

“The pelvic floor is the ground of our being, not just a sling of muscles at the bottom of the body.”

This is a place where many men hold a great deal of chronic tension and unconscious holding. In this article we’ll go through the main reasons to approach and massage this part of the body, the benefits it can bring, and the risks and adverse effects to be aware of, depending on your goal.

Where is the perineum located in men?

The perineum is the strip of skin, often very soft and sensitive, that runs between the testicles and the anus. Beneath it sits a surprising amount:

• The root of the penis, known as the bulb, running back towards the anus.
• The bulbospongiosus and ischiocavernosus muscles, which pump during erection and ejaculation.
• The pudendal nerve, which carries much of the sensation from the genitals.
• The prostate, which sits a few centimetres deeper, above the perineum.

Many men don’t know that roughly a third of the penis is internal, and that it can be felt by pressing gently through the perineum.

Why is this area so sensitive? Because it is a meeting point. It is where erection begins, and where ejaculate, seminal fluid and urine all pass. That explains both the pleasure and the odd sensations this area can bring, such as an urge to urinate or the pulsing often felt with arousal.

External versus internal prostate work

If you’re interested in prostate health, or in pleasure connected with the prostate, it’s worth being clear about the difference. This article covers external touch only, through the perineum. Internal prostate work has its own considerations, hygiene protocol and readiness questions.

For more on internal prostate massage, read my colleague Liz Ray’s guide to prostate massage for Sensuali.

Why do men hold tension in their pelvic floor?

Psychosomatics is the study of how our thoughts and emotions affect the body. Through that lens, we can see a pattern common to many men, which I call the clenched man.

Many men chronically grip the pelvic floor through stress, performance anxiety, sitting, heavy lifting, or simply holding it all together. An overly tight (hypertonic) pelvic floor can contribute to early ejaculation, erectile difficulties, pelvic pain and reduced sensation.

Perineum work is often more about learning to let go than about stimulation and contraction.

Whether you give this massage to yourself or receive it, the intention is to soften, relax and build awareness, so you can begin to release that habitual tension and holding.

Of course, addressing the contributing factors in your life gets closer to the root cause. Massage won’t fix a stressful job or eight hours a day in a chair. But it is a genuinely helpful way to build awareness and create release.

Breath and the pelvic floor

As I’ve discussed in previous articles, the relationship between breath and the pelvic floor is a key area for men to explore. On the inhale, let the pelvic floor soften and descend. On the exhale, let it lift gently.

This links directly to your ability to last longer, to modulate arousal, and to practise towards ejaculatory choice.

Arousal versus tension

In my private practice and on my men’s retreats, I teach men to notice the difference between rising arousal and rising tension, because the two so often become fused.

Just because arousal is building in the body doesn’t mean it has to be accompanied by tension and clenching. In fact, learning to relax as arousal increases helps to decouple this habitual pattern.

“Just because arousal is building in the body doesn’t mean it has to be accompanied by tension and clenching.”

I also teach men sensation mapping and arousal mapping. These help men slow down, break the habit of performance, and let go of orgasm as the goal. Learning to slow down and savour lower levels of arousal brings many benefits. Perineum massage can initiate arousal, but it can also help slow the arousal arc, so that savouring becomes possible without creeping towards the point of no return.

Sensitivity, shame and masculinity

The perineum invites men into their sensitivity, receptivity and vulnerability. For that reason it can also stir up shame, raise questions about masculinity, and ask us to slow down in ways we’re not used to.

Its closeness to the anus brings up disgust for some men. Straight men who connect with this part of the body may notice some internalised homophobia turned towards themselves: is this gay? There can be real anxiety and fear around masculinity here.

It helps to name this directly, without judgement. Pleasure in this area is anatomy, not sexual orientation.

When shame arises during touch, slow down and notice what happens in your body. Ask yourself:

• What is the story this shame is telling?
• Is that story still true for me?
• What meaning do I choose to make now?

The invitation running through all of this work is simple: how can you stay present with what you feel?

How is the perineum used in Taoist sexual practices?

As a Taoist sexologist, I see the perineum as home to the Hui Yin, or CV1, point. In traditional Chinese practices, this is considered an important energy point, sometimes called the “Meeting of Yin”. It is also regarded as the starting point of the Microcosmic Orbit, a Taoist practice involving the imagined circulation of energy around the body.

If you’ve read Mantak Chia, you may know his “Million Dollar Point”, a technique associated with ejaculatory control and semen retention. The idea is that applying pressure to a particular point on the perineum during sexual arousal may help prevent ejaculation. I’ve written about this in my article on semen retention with Sensuali.

A word of caution, though. Applying strong pressure to the perineum can put strain on sensitive nerves and tissues, including the pudendal nerve. There are also claims that pressing this area can redirect semen backwards into the bladder, a condition known as retrograde ejaculation, although this is not an established consequence of perineal pressure.

This is different from what Taoist traditions call energetic retention. Rather than physically preventing ejaculation, these practices focus on directing sexual energy through the body. In traditional Taoist teachings, this involves rerouting arousal and life force upwards, a process sometimes described as sexual alchemy.

If you’re exploring your perineum with the goal of delaying ejaculation or lasting longer, please read my article on semen retention first.

Taoist practice also uses a gentle “power lock”, much like mula bandha in yoga. This involves a controlled contraction of the pelvic floor muscles, followed by a conscious release. It is very different from continuously clenching or holding tension. Whatever kind of contraction you practise, emphasising the release afterwards keeps tension and compression in balance.

What do you want to get out of perineum massage?

Before you begin, ask yourself what drew you here in the first place.

Are you curious about discovering new kinds of pleasure? Perhaps you’re interested in exploring sensations around the prostate, or you’re looking for ways to delay ejaculation and last longer in bed. You might simply be looking for practical tools to release pelvic tension. Your answer will shape how you approach your perineum, and what kind of support might help.

Is perineum massage safe? What to know before you begin

Gentle massage of the perineum can encourage relaxation, and many men find real benefit in it. But before you try any of this, please read the following.

When to seek medical advice

See a doctor first if you have:

• Acute prostatitis, a urinary tract infection or a sexually transmitted infection
• A fever, or pain during urination or ejaculation
• Unexplained pelvic, testicular or perineal pain, or blood in your urine or semen
• Haemorrhoids, fissures, abscesses or a fistula nearby
• Recent prostate, hernia or pelvic surgery. Wait until your surgeon has cleared you.

If you’ve been diagnosed with chronic pelvic pain or pudendal neuralgia, this doesn’t mean you can never do this kind of massage. But work with a pelvic health physiotherapist or a suitably qualified practitioner rather than experimenting alone.

How to prepare for perineum massage

Before beginning, make sure your hands are clean and your nails are short and smooth. You can wear gloves if you prefer, and use a body-safe lubricant or a natural oil such as coconut oil to reduce friction. Remember that oils are not compatible with latex gloves or condoms, so use a water-based lubricant if you’re using latex.

For hygiene, keep your hands away from the anus, or wash them thoroughly before touching anywhere else.

Understanding pressure and sensation

When massaging the perineum, use gentle pressure and avoid sustained deep compression. Cyclists know that prolonged pressure on this area can cause numbness and reduced erectile sensation because it compresses the nerves and blood supply.

Stop if you feel tingling, numbness, sharp pain or burning. If nothing happens, more pressure is not the fix.

It’s also worth being aware of the emotional side of this work. Sometimes tears, shaking, numbness or unexpressed anger may come up, especially for men with a history of surgical, medical or sexual trauma. This doesn’t necessarily mean something has gone wrong, but it’s important not to push through distress.

If it happens, slow down. Move your attention between your pelvis and somewhere neutral, such as your hands, your feet or the contact of your back with the floor. Know when to seek support, and reach out if it feels like too much.

How to massage your perineum for the first time

The goal of this first session is simply to connect with this part of your body.

1. Set your intention. Curiosity over climax.
2. Settle and breathe with one hand resting on your lower belly.
3. Begin over underwear, or with a flat palm, before moving to skin.
4. Make light skin contact and find the bulb of the penis running beneath the perineum.
5. Explore slow circles, still pressure and pressing in time with the breath.
6. Feel the breath move down. As you inhale, feel it expand like a balloon down between your sit bones and between your tailbone and pubic bone, gently pressing into your fingers.
7. Notice the contrasts: the in-breath and the out-breath, softening and clenching.
8. Rest and reflect on what you felt, what felt good, what felt strange and what has changed.

Meeting and matching the tissue, rather than forcing it, is the way to go. Find a comfortable depth of engagement and learn to feel your breath down into your fingers.

“Meeting and matching the tissue, rather than forcing it, is the way to go.”

Can a professional help with perineum massage?

There are many practitioners a man might work with on this: somatic sexologists, sexological bodyworkers, men’s coaches, Taoist or tantric teachers, and pelvic-floor-aware and trauma-informed bodyworkers. You’ll find a range of them here on Sensuali.

When choosing someone, ask about the consent framework they work within, their hygiene practices and whether sessions are clothed or unclothed. It’s also worth understanding whether their work is educational, therapeutic or both, and whether their approach aligns with your own goals. For persistent pain or pelvic-floor symptoms, a qualified pelvic health physiotherapist or medical professional is the appropriate starting point.

Exploring the perineum can bring a sense of centredness and grounding. In my practice, it can be a starting point for men who want to become more aware of their arousal, understand their pelvic floor and explore Taoist approaches to sexual wellbeing.

Take your time, explore and enjoy, and don’t overdo it. If in doubt, please seek appropriate support. You can find practitioners here on Sensuali who offer guidance online or in person.

You can find more of my articles on men’s sexual wellbeing here on Sensuali, and book a one-to-one session through my Sensuali profile.