Meet Hawaii somatic sexologist: Ixchel Xochitlzihuatl

Tell us more about yourself…

I came to this work through my art practice. I make videos, drawings and work a lot with community in group imagining processes.

I found that I needed and desired to be more connected to my own body in order to be both 1) more skilled at expressing myself and 2) to support others in doing the same.

That curiosity led me to study Somatics, and eventually to study erotic expression and Somatics. It also led me to reconnect to my own indigenous roots and to understand all the ways that cultural conditioning informs expressions of sexuality.

I have also spent a lot of time researching and teaching gender studies, looking into how cultural conditioning influences expression of gender and sexual identity.

My day to day life works in cycles with the seasons. I practice day keeping in the Uto-Aztecan tradition and align my activities with traditional colanders as well as earth and moon seasonal cycles.

I spend a lot of my time coaching people, teaching this work in group sessions (and blending it with practices of art and mindfulness), writing (I am a published author) and making art. I also take a lot of time to care for my body because, well it is the center of this whole practice! So I walk and weight lift, dance, stretch and/ or do yoga daily.

I also spend a lot of time focusing on how to listen to my body more (whether through adjusting my diet, sleep or spending time with the earth). This practice supports me in helping clients to listen to their bodies.

Happiness is really important to me. And I spend time every day asking myself, “what can I do to make this moment more pleasurable, enjoyable or beautiful?”

What turns you on?

The Earth. Being in service to all of creation. De-shamifying pleasure. Celebrating someone’s desires and vulnerability. Slow, intimate, powerful connections. ETs. Plants. Water. Transforming trauma. The wild force of aliveness itself.

What was your journey into this world?

It was multifold!

Part of it was related to knowing my body had an innate wisdom that was important but seeing that I didn’t always know how to listen to her or respect her. Sometimes I would make choices that would really support my life path and seemed connected to my divine intuition. Other times it seemed I was just stuck in some type of pattern that would create unpleasant outcomes, yet I didn’t know how to make different decisions.

I could see that my body was a powerful tool for insight that I was not very skilled in understanding! Some things about my life seemed great to others but on the inside I felt unhappy and like I was not aligned with my full power.

Around 2020 I was receiving a lot of success in my career and I was married but I was really unhappy.

My happiest times were in nature and I felt really confused. So I decided to really deepen into my mindfulness, indigenous wisdom keeping, creative practice and Somatics so that I could find answers for myself.

That led me to studying Buddhism in Nepal and India, and I spent 2 and a half years living with indigenous communities in Latin America. I also deepened my existing Somatics practice and spent three years training with the Somatica (r) Institute of Sex and Relationship Coaching. These experiences profoundly changed everything about me: my desires, my ability to connect and build relationship, my level of happiness, my health, my authentic artistic expression and my professional life.

Since then I have seen changes in my life I never thought possible. I stopped drinking, I began a daily mindfulness practice, I found the time of intimate and romantic connection I hadn’t dared to dream of and I found a type of meaning in my life that helps me to feel grounded and purposeful at every moment in my life.

What do the first 60 minutes of your day look like?

I roll over and look out the window at the beautiful bamboo out my window and slowly arrive to the waking world. I take a moment to see if there are any messages from the dream time that I want to remember and I connect to my gratitude for being alive.

I kiss my partner and then I get out of bed, and do a ritual around day keeping and greeting the 8 directions. I set an intention for the day, drink some water, and then make some blend of tea, coffee and cacao.

Then I practice some kind of listening to what wants to emerge. I might read, meditate, draw or take a walk.

Why do you do what you do?

It is fun and it feels important, or like it does something beautiful in the world.

I believe when we are all living in our authentic selves the world will be a more beautiful and peaceful place.

This practice feels like a fun way to support that vision for those who are willing to be vulnerable and authentic in the practice with me. It is fun to co-create together.

This work makes me feel more alive, and I love watching other people become more alive through it—more curious, expressive, embodied, connected, and open to their own desires.

I think that’s really why I do it. The work creates aliveness. It generates more life, more possibility, and more pleasure. There’s something incredibly exciting to me about participating in that.

What is an unexpected pleasure you discovered in your work?

How much it impacts me.

I thought I would do this work to help other people and that I needed to work on myself first. But what I find is that each session changes me.

Each session is real for me and there is an impact and it helps me see something new about the universe and the nature of existence. That is a profound experience for me.

What do you wish more people knew about the practice you specialise in?

I am really in it and it is really about my connection with the people I work with. This work is not about performance. Instead it is about the two of us coming together to build a real connection. That timing and form looks different with each person because each person is unique. Each person teaches me and it is an honor to be learning with people this way, witnessing and supporting people on these journeys.

What’s your superpower?

Creating the conditions for aliveness and being really present and loving. I’m good at meeting people where they are, sensing what wants to emerge, and helping create enough connection, curiosity, pleasure, and possibility for something new to come alive.

I think I help people feel more like themselves—and sometimes discover parts of themselves they didn’t know were there.

We love vices. What’s yours?

I love movies and film, spending time in nature, wandering around in cities that are new to me, taking my time and finding out what other people are eating (I am vegan so there is a lot I don’t eat but I have a lot of compersion and curiosity for learning about what other people are eating).

Things that other people might label as wasting time are very enjoyable for me. Sometimes on walks I just like to stop and hang out for a bit. I have a bit of a expansiveness to me that enjoys doing things against the rules or finding the edges of the rules. If I ever feel like I am “supposed to be doing something” I have to find a new way of framing it because I almost never do things I am supposed to do.

Who are your sensual inspirations?

Frida Khalo, Bianca Jagger, Marion Ravenwood, Kelly LeBrock, Princess Leia, indigenous women and grandmothers holding it down and protecting the planet, the spirits corn, water and volcanos creating life, liberation, aliveness, joy, authenticity

Find Ixchel: joymedicinebeautymagic.org | @xochitlzihuatl

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